Monday

I meant to post this yesterday. Oh well. The message is still pertinent even if I am, in general, running a day or so behind.

First allow me to say, I do not like the new blogger format AT ALL and I can't figure out how to change it back. BOO!!

Now on to the point of this post. I love Monday's. I know! Who says that, right? It's true though. Monday is such a great day for New Beginnings. Things are just getting going, the week is starting (despite what the calendar says) and I am gearing up for a brand new beginning. Monday's are resolution days. This is the day of the week where I decide how I want the week to go. (Am I always successful in that? Of course not)

Obviously, I've been struggling with my health and weight loss goals. Don't we all from time to time? Well last week, I did very poorly. Bad decisions and laziness lead to one heck of a gain... and I don't mean that in any kind of a good way. So it was time for a resolution. Monday would be better. Monday I will do things right. Monday there will be no sweets, no sodas, no fast food. Monday I will get it right.

Monday came and I felt alive and excited with my new beginning. I was hopeful and more importantly confident. Monday was here, welcoming me with open arms.

(Here is where I would have started today's post)

Today is now Tuesday. I was not perfect. I have not been perfect. I disappointed Monday. I disappointed me. Now, this is where my insides want to say... well, this week is a wash. Start planning for Monday again. You see, Monday can become kind of a crutch. It can hold you up and ease you along allowing you to continue to make bad choices with the illusion of no consequences because there is always another Monday. (You'll find this to be true. I'm am positive the Zombie apocalypse will happen on a Friday just to ruin everyone's weekend plans)

But I can't afford to do that anymore. I'm struggling with some serious things here. Not the least of which, is depression. The further into THAT I get the harder it is to do anything 'right'.

I look to myself... and think... Really? You want to wait until MONDAY? It's only Tuesday for Pete's sake! (I don't know who this Pete is, but we do a lot of things for his own sake) I can't possibly have lost the entire week already. The zombie behind be shuffles closer and what he says is... "Bbbbbrrrrraaaaaiiiiiiinnnnnnnsssssssssss" but what he means is... Go ahead and eat the cake. Have fries with that. What is one soda? Because the fat part of me.. the zombie part of me... doesn't want to be strong. It doesn't want to succeed I guess. It is maybe afraid of success. Afraid of having to be afraid of food forever.

But there is another part inside there. It's the fit girl. She is ready to fight the undead. She is the one who wants all the energy in the world to play with her kids... (Pete, for your sake, let there be kids!) She is the one who wants to be a runner, a dancer, a nutritionist, a physical person and teacher... She is the one who is dying inside this body trying to get out and become better.

And it's only Tuesday.