But it sounded good at the time...

First of all, Hello to my New followers!!

Dinner tonight was about as far away from healthy as you can possibly get. It sounded so good at the time. Now I feel like a run over slug. Live and learn though right? Next time this particular thing sounds good, I am going to remember this feeling.

Tomorrow is Halloween, and do you know what? I am going to be indulging in chocolate. I don't even feel guilty about it. Do you know why? Because I am allowing myself to have it. I refuse to go through this life without chocolate. So there.

That being said... I did quite a bit of thinking tonight. Most of my relevant thoughts came to me while sitting in the restaurant of obscene unhealthiness actually...

I've discovered I need a plan. I have all of the tools that I need to succeed. But I need a game plan. When I first started doing curves, I lost 25lbs in 3 months. All I was doing was going to curves religiously and doing Weight Watchers. I haven't had that kind of success since. I'm somehow fitter and fatter now then I was then. I don't know how that happened. But my heart and lungs are in a better condition than they were then I think.

You know what is upsetting though? When I did that... lost 25lbs in 3 months... I didn't celebrate it. I couldn't see what a tremendous achievement it was because of how far I had to go. I want to kick that girl. Those thoughts in and of themselves don't help very much. But it does make me realize that I need structure. I abhore the idea of making meal plans, but it WORKS. Knowing what I am going to eat, how many calories it is, and where I have room to sneak in a snack when I simply must munch something works for me. I don't know why I have this rebellious person inside of me that just refuses to do it. It's stupid and it makes me feel out of control.

I am in so little control right now of anything that I don't want my eating to be another one of those things. I've nearly never been in control of my eating. Right now there isn't a whole lot I can take control of. So this (the eating) and getting my cheeseburger butt to the gym are two things that I can control.

I need control and a plan... and for my partner in this to kick my into gear when I am shirking my responsibility. Everyone needs someone to remind them why they are working so hard sometimes.

Also... I need to get off the fence and make a decision. Either I am going to make the effort to sit down and learn the ins and outs of the bodybugg food recording system, or I am going to record all of my food on spark and my calories on the bodybugg site. I love everything about them except the software for recording food. It drives me insane and makes me not want to do it. I wish there was a way to just tell it how many calories you ate at the end of the day rather than needing to input every meal. It's so much easier recording food on Spark.

I need to come clean to myself and admit that I don't measure anything anymore. That is one of my issues right there. I don't know my portions well enough to just wing it. I think I have given myself a few more things to think about.

Happy Halloween everyone! And watch out for those zombies!

Look out shins!!

Today was a gym day. I WENT! HA! So there is some success already. Also, we took our good friend Sandy with us, since she wanted to see what the Y was all about. You can never have too many folks ready to whip some zombie booty. Be prepaired folks.

I showed her around and we put our junk in the locker and I was just about to suggest we go hop on the ellipticals when we saw the class schedule. She happened to notice that we were just in time for cardio kickboxing. I was a bit leery about this. I just didn't know if I could handle it. Well she really wanted too, and of course my hubby enthusiastically said he would do the class too... so naturally, I did the class.

I got a bit freaked out when one of the trainers told us not to forget that we could rest when ever we wanted to. The instructor was new and would work us hard.

oh god...

Well I am still here! I am very proud to say that I made it through the workout and it was actually really fun. I don't kick very high, but I'm just starting. I overdid it a little bit and ended up with a slight headache, but I was able to figure out how to bring my intensity down and that helped. The instructor was really great and friendly and upbeat and gave us alternative moves if we need to be at a lower intensity than she was running.

After that we did about 15-20 minutes of elliptical just because I was really looking forward to it and wanted to. I needed to stop though.

I am so proud of myself. I did a 55 minute cardio class. I can freakin rule the world!!!

Now... watch out for your shins zombies, here I come!

According to my bodybugg, the time of the class, from 4:30 -5:30 I burned 506 calories!!! I was actually really floored as I noticed at one point I was burning 14.2 calories a minute. In the grand scheme of things, I don't know what it all means yet. But I do know that I am feeling a bit more confident in my body and just really proud of myself right now.

It is official...

I am awesome.

The last two months I've been feeling... well...

::shuffle shuffle::

:BBBRRRRAAAIIIIIINNNNNSSSSSSS:

Pretty much sums it up. Today we were scheduled to go to the gym with a friend of ours who is interested in joining. Unfortunately she's not feeling well today. But do you know what????

WE WENT ANYWAY!!!!

Oh yes we did. I am now home from a nice workout at the gym! Here are the particulars of it all. I decided to start C25K again. This time though, I am doing it with a twist. I'm doing it on the elliptical. Sure it won't work exactly the same, but who cares really?

So I put the elliptical on 'Weight Loss'. It runs a series of intervals at 4/1 and 10/8 ? (I think it's 10/8, I'm not 100% sure now. It looks right though) Because the intervals for the C25K are off sync with the elliptical intervals it kept things really interesting. It was FUN. I was pouring buckets of sweat and enjoying it. How did this happen?

Those zombies are in trouble. Let me tell you. Okay, so step 1 is avoiding corndogs, and step 2 is keep the elliptical fun.

So I did a total of 35 minutes. In that time I did 2 miles! I was slowing down for cool down at the end, and went slowly for just another few minutes and did an additional .02 miles or something like that. But I wanted to see how fast I could do .10 miles. So for my last .10 I hustled!!! I did it in a little over a minute! It was a minute and 20, or a minute and 30... I have nothing to write with there so some of the numbers end up as ranges, you know?

Anyway, to sum up.... I am crazy proud of myself. I am about to go add stickers to my poster of awesome, and then go have lunch!

Success Starts Today...

I am the first to admit I fell off the wagon. I'm coming to terms with a lot of life changes right now. That very steady slow loss I was seeing? I shot that up into a gain. Ugh. I am the heaviest I have been in recorded history of my weight. You know what? That's okay. It is okay because I refuse to beat myself up over it. I messed up. And I decided I am ready to do something about it. So I HAVE been going outside.

I haven't been breaking a sweat, or running marathons or anything. I have been getting UP OFF THE COUCH and out into the sunshine and the breeze and fresh air. I have been working on thinking positive thoughts about myself. Word on the street is, that zombies are attracted to self loathing.

Ok.. ditch the cheeseburger butt, and negative self thoughts on the double please... thank you.

Tomorrow we actually have scheduled to go back to the gym, with a friend even! It will be after a two month hiatus. I would feel guilty for saying that. But when I feel guilty, I hide and hope the issue goes away and rights itself. So I have decided not to feel guilty. Instead I have decided to feel proactive.

I have been inspired but a lot of things. I've been inspired by The Unexpected Sandilightful's 'Want Power' and by ...Like a Fat Kid Loves Cake's 'lego tower'. I've been inspired by I go Through life In Inches and Pounds' compassion and success. I want something I can look at and track my goals. So I have made a poster of awesome. Do you know what is awesome about it already?


I started.

Success starts today.

I restarted my bodybugg program. It suggested a 12 week goal. This time I am taking it's advice instead of trying to go for a long term goal. My first goal is to lose 12 pounds in 12 weeks. That will mean reaching 269.5 by 1/11/11. I can so do this! It's a darn cool date too don't you think?



Annnnnnndddd...... It's blog hop time!

Picking up the pieces

Okay... so I didn't get out and walk yesterday. Yesterday ended up being really rough, emotional, and teary. However, I have come through the storm, and here I am.

It's funny you know... emotions are so tied to weightloss, even more than I understood before. With everything that is going on, and I know I have been pretty vague to a degree, I find the only thing I can concentrate on is keeping it together from one moment to the next.

I did some thinking though, and I have concluded that concentrating on doing well for my body will give my brain something positive to concentrate on. So I will be restarting my efforts to really lose this weight. The zombies are getting closer, I can see them out of the corners of my eyes. Stupid Zombies.

Though, in a way, I think the demons that have been floating around lately are keeping them at bay. Not for long though... Zombies love slow food. I need to get moving...

Where is my water bottle!?

Weather

The weather is absolutely gorgeous right now. This is perfect walking outside weather. This is perfect weather, to shake off the depression I am feeling, and get outside and walk around. This is the absolute perfect time for that.

Now... Want power... don't fail me now.

Restless

I feel restless today. I can't really concentrate or sit still. I feel like I need to eat, but I'm not hungry. I only woke up a little over an hour ago, but I'm tired again.

This feeling has to go away. I'm tired. I'm tried of dealing with it for months and months. So I want you to know why I am not as on track as I want to be.

See, my husband has been out of work for ever a year. He's educated, honest, hard working, smart, talented... but I am sure many of you know how this goes. The jobs just aren't there.

Well, we're in danger of losing our house now. It's very very stressful. Despite the fact I eat a lot less these days... I'm not losing anything. Stress always makes me retain weight.

I'm ready to catch a break.

If the zombies come, at least there will be no dust bunnies...

I ate decently well today. I did have a hamburger and fries for lunch, but we got them at a little local restaurant so they weren't 'fast food' burgers. Dinner was chicken sandwiches and corn and I had a strawberry Greek yogurt as my other side.

I am feel so queasy in my tummy now though. I am not sure if it was the hamburger, or perhaps the chicken, but man. I feel gross.

On the positive side though, I got my exercise today. We are cleaning the house... and I mean CLEANING. It was move the couches and vacuum the base boards kind of cleaning. I ache and i am tired but Hell yeah my living room and dining room rock. Tomorrow afternoon we tackle the kitchen before we have company over.

Hellooooooooo

Hello out there my intrepid followers. Thanks for sticking with me during that radio silence. Sometimes, when there is no where to run, you just need to hunker down in a hiding spot. If you've been avoiding the corndogs, you shouldn't smell toooo appetizing and the zombies might just pass you by.

As it turns out, I've been hit with a case of LIFE HAPPENS. Things have been really stressful, and kind of painful. I just haven't been in a good place to talk about it. So I'm not going to. Not right now anyway.

But I am still progressing. I've lost another pound.. HURRAY!!! And I am still working on not turning to ice cream and potato chips for my comfort. I don't always make it. I'm working on it though. Also, being down a pound is an accomplishment as there were a great many parties filled with wonderful foods. I have done well.

How about you? Are you still doing well? Where is your hiding spot when the zombies get too close and there is no where to run?