Tuesday, January 25, 2011


I need to put this somewhere that I won't lose it.

Excerpt from The Name of the Wind

"'That's only the smallest piece of it,' Bast said. 'The truth is deeper than that. It's . . .' Bast floundered for a moment. 'It's like everyone tells a story about themselves inside their own head. Always. All the time. That story makes you what you are. We build ourselves out of that story.'

Frowning, Chronicler opened his mouth, but Bast held up a hand to stop him. 'No, listen. I've got it now. You meet a girl: shy, unassuming. If you tell her she's beautiful, she'll think you're sweet, but she won't believe you. She knows that beauty lies in your beholding.' Bast gave a grudging shrug. 'And sometimes that's enough.'

His eyes brightened. 'But there's a better way. You show her she is beautiful. You make mirrors of your eyes, prayers of your hands against her body. It is hard, very hard, but when she truly believes you . . .' Bast gestured excitedly. 'Suddenly the story she tells herself in her own head changes. She transforms. She isn't seen as beautiful. She is beautiful, seen.' "

Monday, January 17, 2011

Day 17

I haven't recorded all of my food yet today, but I know I am within calories. Also, I drank all of my water yesterday. I think I am finally finding my way back on the wagon. I don't even have anything to blame the last slip on. I just became overwhelmed with life. I seriously need to get over myself sometimes. I stress way too much. I have enough going on that is actually stressful and worthy of being stressed over that I need to let the rest of it just ride and simply do what needs to be done. The concept is not hard.

Also, today was a weigh in day. Do you know, I completely forgot? This is exciting! It means that for once, I was not obsessing over the scale and what it might say. I'm trying to lose 12lbs in 12 weeks as my first weight loss goal. My first weigh in saw me three pounds up... not good. So I totally freaked out and as a result emotional eating ensued. But this week I have just been trying to chill out and THINK about what I am eating before I eat it. It's been a good experience so far.

Some Progress Markers...

When cooking dinner I refrained from snacking. I reminded myself I was making food, and that I would have to record anything I snacked on. It wasn't worth the effort.

I have now realized the soda I was drinking on occasion does in fact contain caffeine, so when this box is gone, I am giving up soda again. I am not upset about this.

I MISS being active and walking. Tomorrow is date day. We're going to a movie (possibly). Trying out a new restaurant, responsibly... AND... Going walking. It's part of our date and we're happy about this. SUCCESS.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Day 16 & Blog Hop

Today's Quote..
"Patience is the key to paradise."

- Turkish proverb

I lost my patience last night. I just found myself feeling very frustrated with myself and my lack of progress. We all go through that at times though don't we? But my hubby stood me back on my feet and gave me a pretty good talking to. Everything I am trying to do, I have done before. I've lost probably all the weight I need to if you add up all the times I have started and stopped. I can do this. I have just not been making the best choices for myself. I am falling victim to the zombie in charge of instant gratification. That is the one that make you feel good at the moment by falling behind you so you think you are getting away. What you then don't notice is the whole horde of them that have taken the short cute and are about to jump you and eat your brains.

Heh.. not a good zombie to hang out with.

So I have attempted to recommit myself today. I recorded all my food even though I was sure I was going to go over in calories. I haven't. Close, but I haven't gone over. I'm going to work extra hard to make sure I get all of my water in tonight and go from there. I'ld like to be able to put a little number 1 up. It would make me feel really good.

Friday, January 14, 2011

Day 14 Dieting Scars

This quote if from an article I read entitled Dieting Scars

Self-love is the only weight-loss aid that really works in the long run.

- Jenny Craig, diet guru

The article talked about the need to to honor and take care of ones body. It talked about trying to find out what is the root of eating. It is hunger? Boredom? Depression? Fear of Rejection?

I'm not going to get into all of the details of it because it didn't all resonate with me. But I do identify with the idea that this is my temple and I need to treat it properly. I have not been. I haven't really been enforcing very much self control. My best friend suggested that I really take a look at what I have been eating before I decide if stress is really to blame. Well low and behold, I am crazy stressed out and do you know what that makes me eat?

Fats and Sugars. BIG SURPRISE.

SO yeah, no wonder the weight isn't coming off. Eating too many calories and having too many of them come from fats and sugars. I realize this is going be tough. I realize that I need to work on a little bit of tough love with myself. I think it will help. I know it will help.

My zombies are always just in my rear view mirror. If I let them catch up, they will. For some reason, its always harder to pull away from them than it is to maintain momentum and distance. So I need to stop letting myself slide backwards. I absolutely know I can do this. I know I can. So do you hear me self? A little self discipline would be beneficial... it's okay. We're worth it.

Monday, January 10, 2011

Day 10

"I have always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I have to be more specific."

- Lily Tomlin, actress

Do you mean to tell me that simply stating that I want to not end up as Zombie food isn't enough? Get more specific ey?

There is a good message there. Setting goals is important. We all need things to work towards, but being specific is important too. I tend to avoid this. I somehow feel like if I am too specific with what I want, that I will automatically fail at accomplishing it. I think it's just a fear thing. As badly as I want these healthy changes, there is definitely some fear involved. I haven't quite figured out what, or exactly what I am afraid of yet either. The major one is failing.

What if I can't do this. But I'm already not doing it, so what is there to be afraid of. It can only get better.

But in this post I want to talk about goals again. In the past I have had a hard time with following through on the goals I set. I also have had a problem with setting specific goals for myself. I also have had a problem accepting that fact, that not attaining 100% everyday does not equal success. That is a big one.

So some goals for me.. specific ones....
Lose 1lb a week.
Blog 1x a day
Drink 8 8oz glasses of water a day
10 minutes of exercising (1x a day) 3x a week

I am starting with those. I know the list of goals will grow and change. As I begin to build good habits I already have the next set of goals formulating in my head. But I am so afraid of trying to do too much and make myself burn out on doing any of it. This is my year, and I need to do this for myself.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Day 9

I read this quote:

"It's bizarre that the produce manager is more important to my children's health than the pediatrician. "

- Meryl Streep, actress

It speaks volumes about the benefit of healthy eating. I also think it really points out the fact that good eating behaviors begin when we're young. I can't blame my poor health on my youth. I know that I didn't learn to eat the proper proportions. I was eating WAY TOO MUCH. But in all honesty, I don't remember WHAT I was eating.

I know that now I eat a much larger variety of food. While some of it is worse nutritionally, I'm sure that what I used to eat, most of it is probably much much better. I've introduced a whole host of new vegetables and how to prepare them to my parents. I've also come to understand the importance of whole grains and protein. Why then, am I the heaviest I have been in my life? (Well close to it anyway)

Because I am lazy. I don't like to get up and move. I lead a pretty sedentary lifestyle. Now here is the bizarre part to this. When I am up and moving and going to the Y consistently and walking the track (3 miles every couple of days) I feel great.

I lack consistency I think.

I'll work on that.

The zombies are very good at being consistent.... ::shhuuuuuffffflllllleeeee:: Braaaaaaiinnnnns...

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Day 6

I missed blogging for a couple of days there, but I was away at a friends house. It was a lovely trip and I had a great deal of fun. There is this interesting phenomenon that happens when my husband, our two friends, and I are together. We have all noticed it. For some reason the four of us eat an enormous amount of food. When we're together we all eat so much more than we do otherwise. None of us understand why this happens exactly.

Also, I didn't record my food for those two days. But I am back home now, and back to recording food. So the past two days have been calorie heavy I am sure. Today wasn't light as we opted to surprise my Mom and Dad with Chinese Food. (My Dad's favorite) But I am recording and drinking enough water and realistically looking at how much I have eaten. I'm still moving forward towards my goals.

On facebook I've joined this daily health challenge thing. Each day it emails you a little task to help you get healthier. I'm going to see how it goes. I'm not going to sweat doing it every day because I have a lot on my plate right now. But I enjoy having motivators sent to me often to remind me to think healthfully. I actually felt myself considering healthy living even while I was out enjoying my time with friends over a little mid week weekend. I had two glasses of soda over the two days instead of more as our friends were kind enough to purchase a 2 liter of root-beer for us.

I'm very proud of my progress so far. I don't necessarily think I've 'lost weight' yet. But honestly, I think I can kind of feel my perceptions changing back to how they were when I was losing weight and finding success in healthy living. It makes me actually look forward to tomorrow. I think it's a good thing.

I wonder if any of the daily challenges will involve Zombie Resistance Training?

Monday, January 3, 2011

Day 3 Personal Challenge

I an avoiding doing that -thing-. You know that thing where you are excited and make a bunch of changes all at once and get over excited with promises to yourself that you make and then can't keep because you did it all at once...? Yeah, that -thing-.

So I am not doing that. I am working on several small goals and one big one.

Small goals consists of:

Journaling once a day
Drinking 64 oz of water a day
Staying within calorie range a day

My mid term goal is to drop 12 pounds in 12 weeks.

My long term goal is to build healthy habits and FEEL and BE in control of my eating.

If you notice, only one of them is directly weight loss related. I think this is important. You need things to concentrate on to work on overall health (mental and physical) to really move forward and make progress.

I think these are all reasonable. And more importantly, I am setting myself up for success. So tell me, what are your short, medium and long term goals?

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Day 2

Slight setback today. I went over calories. Oh well. It's only the second day. You know what did it? Dessert. I do not plan to have dessert every day. The funny thing was, it was cookies. I had four. As I was finishing the fourth one, I told my husband that I should have stopped after two. The second one didn't taste as good as the first one, and the last one surely didn't. If I had stopped after 2, I would be in range also...

But I am not going to beat myself up over it either. Before I go to bed I will check my calories burned. But I know it's going to be higher than yesterday. Progress right there!

I have a couple of crazy packed days coming up but I'm getting ready to start exercising again. I know it sounds funny to need to get ready to do it. I'm just moving things around because I am prioritizing exercising. I mostly miss walking. But I know, just like last time, as soon as I get back into walking I am going to miss the gym. So I'm going to get an updated class schedule and work in a Zumba class once or twice a week along with the walking. Then I'll get back to the elliptical.

It's funny. I know it's going to be hard this time, but atleast I am still looking forward to the actual working out. I'm not looking forward to the drive, expecially once it gets hot outside, but I do miss moving.

My knees have been really troublesome. I think it's because of the extra weight creeping on, and a touch of arthritis. But there are other things... It's hard to tie my shoes. It's hard to put pants and socks on. I just can't move. I hate that feeling. Despite always being over weight I have been proud of my flexability. I am losing it! I can't do the things I used to. I need to get that back. I feel like I am losing a piece of myself.

And I think it's worth saying it. One of my main goals continues to be... I want to be in control of food instead of it being in control of me. I actually felt a little bit tonight like I was getting a handle on that despite being over on calories. There is progress already, and I am really excited about what tomorrow brings.

Calories in: 2125
Calories out: 2344
H2O in: 8c

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Day 1

Happy New Year fellow bloggers. I know everyone makes new year resolutions to get healthy and lose weight. I'm not that different. However, I think I shall instead resolve to stay ahead of the zombies long enough to work this butt off.

I have learned a lot over the last couple of months of inactivity. Chief among them is that there are times in which I need to disconnect and spend time taking care of the me on the inside. I also know that I miss being connected when I am going through those times. So I hope you are still out there and reading this. Afterall, big life changes are always easier with support right?

Life changes. Well my life will certainly be going through some changes. The foreclosure is trudging it's way along and we have already started packing so we can be out of the house in February. February will also mark my 30th birthday. I had envisioned where I would be by this point differently. But that is alright. There are a lot of things in my life that are good and that I am thankful for. I hold onto those things.

I've learned too that for a while at least, this wont be easy. I've had my chances where everything fell into place and the weight melted off. All I had to do was keep going. I never did though. I let small things get in the way and look like big things. But most of all, I got lazy. I let lazy get in the way. Do you know what happens when you get lazy and there are Zombies behind you? I bet you can figure it out. So I can't do that anymore. I have come to realize this is going to be real work. I'm not going to want to do it sometimes. In the beginning, I might not even want to do it most of the time. You know what though? I really don't want to die young from some preventable disease, or continue to be infertile because of the excess weight.

I don;t want my husband to travel down the same fattening road I have been down. I want to know that this is the year we get his diabetes under control. You know what I fear more than the Zombies... losing him. We all know that doing it alone is hard. Well getting healthy in a household alone is really hard. So we realize we have to go this road together.

I know there was more to say... but it's late and I'm getting tired. Those Portuguese vampires come out at night and I need to be safe in bed to keep them at bay. So lets part with some numbers.