Saturday, November 3, 2012

Clearing the cobwebs and a November challenge


Don't mind me, just clearing the cobwebs out. It's been a while hasn't it? I've been hiding. I've been hiding from a great many things. When you hide though, you can't really make any kind of progress. You put yourself in a fantastic position to slip backwards though. That is what I did.

Apparently, I was hiding in a hole... with a rock on top. There was plenty of room to go backward (AND BOY DID I EVER) but not much room to go forward. So I have climbed out of the hole. It took a long time to move that rock off. There was a house sitting on it. Literally.

I've been dealing with a lot of stress. (Who hasn't? I know...) My husband and I lost our house to foreclosure. Well it's been getting closer to the end of the process and the closer the end got, the more freaked out I got. We have a public sale date now. I finally feel as though I am not stuck under that house anymore.

So I have decreed the best way to kick off this November it to have a challenge. November is about me. It has begun well so far. True, I haven't eaten very well, and I haven't begun working out again yet, but I have started doing things for me. I have begun to do much neglected research into eating better for my body to help with my specific health issues. I've have been doing laundry and cleaning my room, trying to make the space I inhabit feel like home. I've been trying to sort through the pain and the STUFF generated by moving out of the old house. I've been working on me.

Some questions elude me. fatgirlvsworld gave me some great advice at one point. We were talking about emotional eating and she suggested I try and get to the root of it. Question myself until I found whatever the fear and hurt was that drove the emotional eating. This answer eludes me. I haven't found it yet. I'm still looking. I don't know why my brain shuts off and I go into a sleepwalking state of emotional eating. The scary part is, it's not just emotional eating. It's completely un-mindful eating. Sometimes, I have no idea what I've eaten that day.

See, that is the start of the zombification process. I know it's happening. There was a zombie in that hole with me. I didn't manage to hide at all. They are slow and relentless those zombies. You can't get lazy around them. Fortunately, this isn't the movies. The process isn't permanent. You can still change your fate as long as you haven't let them kill you.

So November is about me. I don't expect to FIX everything this month. I expect to reverse the zombification process so I am aware. You need to be aware of what you are doing and what is going into your body. If you don't know what is going into it, you'll never know what you can get out of it.


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