If the zombies were to invade right now, I would be in sorry shape. While I am happy to report that I have stopped gaining after I put those few pounds back on, I am sad to report I have not lost any weight again yet either. This is because I have not gotten back into working out, or eating properly. I could make a bunch of excuses, but it really comes down to the fact things are just hard right now.
Money is tight. We've been on unemployment for 9 months now. There really just doesn't seem to be anyone hiring in My Educated Rabbit's field that doesn't require either a bachelors degree or several years of experience. Shopping is aggravating. Groceries are so expensive. It is so much cheaper to eat crap, then the healthy fresh things I want to. I'll need to reapply for food stamps soon.
This has basically lead me to a lot of escapism. I've been knitting quite a bit. I've been playing video games. I've been watching movies. I've been doing those things that engage my mind so I don't have to think about what is hard.
I've been neglecting my workouts. I've been neglecting my house. I haven't visited my parents or asked them over for tea in far too long. I realizes last night that I am kind of avoiding life so I don't have to feel stressed out and worried about all of the STUFF going on. While it might work for a little while, I know I'm only really hurting myself.
So last night I came up with the list of three things. Every night before I go to bed I need to write a list of three things I must acomplish before I can do the fun things I am using to escape.
3 Things 7/30
1. Gather Load of Laundry - Done
2. Wash Laundry - Done
3. Clear Coffee Table - Done
I have to say. It felt pretty awesome to be able to write done after each of those things.
I'm really not looking for solutions. I know I just need to face up to it all and start working through it. I mainly wanted to put this here to work through it and sort of get an honest picture of what is going on out there. Fatgirlvsworld talks about honesty in her writing quite a bit. And I am very good at lying to myself when I don't want to really face the issue. So here it is, me being honest with myself about why I am not being successful right now.
Here I am giving it an honest try to get better.
After all, who will protect the world from the zombie invasion if I don't!
I tried to figure out how to join the blog hop this week. I didn't quite figure it out. Maybe next week.
2 comments:
One of the few things i've learned along the way is that when I feel most like running is when I need to stay where i am.
Maybe it's me feeling like the zombies are coming to attack -- but the truth is that they're everywhere. If they're going to attack, they're going to be on my terms, yanno?
So I stay where i am, I turn toward what scares me and I look it straight in the face. In buddhism, they'd say I'm inviting Mara to tea -- have your demons sit beside you while you enjoy your tea. Pour them a glass. But deal with them as they come, and do it on your own terms.
I so adore the vision of inviting my zombies to tea. I think I need to incorporate this into the next blog where I also plan to delve into the importance of having stock piles....
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