A little behind again.

I am a little behind for my 1lb a week goal for this week. My official weigh in day is tomorrow, but I am pretty sure I am going to be a little over where I wanted to be. I am not surprised. I have somehow destroyed my knee, and I coming down with something nasty that started n my throat and has turned into the sniffles. So there has been a lot of couch lying.

However, I am determined to not see a weight increase from this. I've been woefully neglecting the gym despite the fact I have FUN when I am there and miss going. I can come up with a whole bunch of excuses for this, but really it comes down to lousy follow through.

I have been meaning to put together a food plan for ages and I haven't done that either. So despite being sick, and wanting to be snuggled on the couch with blankets, I have decided to be productive instead.

I pulled out my Weight watchers program again. I absolutely still intend to food log and check my calories so I know what kind of deficit I am looking at each day, (see how positive I am being there) but following the points program was working really well for me in the past. So I am going to try it again. I also find, that switching things up once in a while keeps me interested. So I've been straight food logging for a while, until I got bored and stopped doing it. I'll add the points into the mix and see how I fair. :)

The zombies are tricky you know. They shuffle around in the background and seem like they aren't a threat. But they will creep up on you. If you're not careful, before you know it you've got the walking undead helping itself to your wishbone while you're trying to pour a cup of tea. Don't let this happen!

No no no. It's time to keep things interesting. You shall not tricksy me Zombies!

Thank you

First of all, I would like to thank each of you who offered condolences on the loss of my Orion. Thank you so much. I'm sorry I didn't respond to each one individually, it's been emotionally very difficult.

Things right now are just hard. I am going to endevaor to update more regularly. I do however as for your patience. Right now I've just lost my cat, I'm going through a foreclosure, I'm getting sick and I've hurt my knee.

So... I'm greeting each day with a smile and hoping that if I am stubborn enough, the day will turn out positively anyway despite how I've been feeling. The good news is that after my weigh in on Monday, I am back on track with the weight loss. I am now .1lb ahead of where I wanted to be. I'm very proud of this.

Oh another triumph! Last night we had chili with rice for dinner. I love this. But I had 1c of rice despite the fact that hubby made 2 cups for me... and the real triumph here... I only ate 5 crackers. I can , and have in the past, eaten an entire sleeve of crackers with chili. But this time I portioned out five, and I never went back for anymore. You better believe I added a star to my poster for that!

Sadness

Remember way back in the beginning I told you this journal was also going to be about life and sometimes it would be emotional? You've been warned.

Yesterday was not a good day.I didn't count calories, I didn't watch what I ate. I took comofort in chocolate and potato chips and I am sure it was another 3000+ day.

Yesterday, out of the clear blue my Orion passed away. He was only nine and that is still quite young for a cat. I won't get into the details, but it was horrifying and it's still very raw.

He was laying on the doggie pillow. Got up, stretched himself out. Laid down on the carpet... and then it happened. And within a minute... he was gone.

I'm crushed inside. My other kitties and my puppy keep looking for him.

Roger said that some stars burn out faster than others, but they burn all the brighter for it. That made me smile... I asked him who he though Orion's Evangeline was? He said... maybe the kittie on the other side of the dish washer. I cried forever.

Orion used to play with and box his reflection in the front of the dishwasher.

I miss my kitty.

Control

I am starting to feel slightly in control again. I don't want to jinx it or anything, but I am beginning to think that I am on an upswing here.

I tracked all of my food for the second day in a row. Today, I had a deficit of 1437 calories. This makes me feel so much better about the 3000+ calories consumed yesterday. I wasn't even trying to cut back on calories today. All I did was try to concentrate on eating only when I was hungry.

I think it's more than that though. I'm working on a schedule for myself. I have things I need to get done. It's November, so I am working on NaNoWriMo. Also, the bad news I mentioned briefly? Hubby and I have been spending time looking for a lawyer to help us deal with it. This has taken up time and energy too.

I'm just reaching that point where I am tired of having bad days and I am ready to move forward and feel powerful and in control.

Did I mention that for NaNoWriMo I am writing about Zombies? I bet you could have guessed it. So far, no corn-dogs though. I want to win this battle.

I took some pictures of food today. I was enjoying journaling about what I ate that day. Tonight I made spicy shrimp over rice with a garden salad on the side. Dinner was amazing. I'll post the recipe and pictures tomorrow.

Oh my late night snack tonight though? Absolutely indulgent. A bowl FULL of pomegranate seeds. How I love this time of year!
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BLOG HOP!

*whistles inocently*

So I am avoiding the scale. I really don't want to know what kind of damage I did. Halloween was a bit of a splurge, but I planned for it. The days that have followed... not so much. And really, it was emotional eating. I know that.

My husband and I received some bad news that we knew was coming... but it doesn't soften the bad news any. That lead to a few days of being angry, a few days of crying, and a lot of just not caring what I was eating. That leftover Halloween candy that I planned for, and planned to freeze so that it would be an occasional treat.... yeah...

::shuffle shuffle::

BRRAAAIIIINNNNNSSSSSSSSSSS

But today I made a step in the right direction. I have for the first time in ages, tracked all of my food for the day. I'm still in range despite not having made the best choices today. Wow, it feels good to actually be acting in control again.

Also... I am missing the gym something fierce right now.