Friday, August 27, 2010

Let's Talk About Fear

Yes, I am going to post another one of those entries where I talk about what I am afraid of, so that I can deal with it and try to overcome and move on. This isn't exactly new for me, but I haven't really talked about it on the blog before. I did address it briefly, however covertly, when I invited my zombies to tea.

I have great fears about not being able to have kids. It's one of my greatest wishes. I want to bring forth the next generation of Zombie Slayers!!!

But in all seriousness... I've wanted to be a mom for as long as I can remember. When we were finally ready to start our family, I wasn't prepared to face the obstacles we have. We've been trying for close to three years now. I have 'unspecified infertility'. My doctor tells me he believes my infertility issues are because of my weight. I have a small host of other weight related issues and they seem to tie together. He very much wants me to lose weight before I get pregnant. in all honesty though, it is most likely that I will not be able to get pregnant UNTIL I lose the weight. I've talked about fertility treatments with the doctor. My body however absolutely hates hormones being pumped into it.

Yet another reason I must avoid the zombie plague. My body doesn't like weird foreign things inside it. You hear that zombie virus? Back off!

It's one of the reasons I literally burst into tears when I found out I won the Bodybugg. I've been reading about them and trying to figure out how I could possibly afford something like that as soon as I found out all about Robby's. I have been working on losing weight and getting healthy for about the last year. I may not be much lighter than I was, but I am healthier and much more knowledgable. I 'need' to be able to see what I am doing. I need to be able to see the data of how many calories out versus in. It's something I need to be successful. I know as soon as it arrives I am just going to adore it.

I guess this is all here for posterity as I hope this time next year I can make a post talking about how I'm finally pregnant. It would be such a dream.


Andrea said...

I hear ya, I haven't been told by any Doctor's that I need to lose weight before getting pregnant, I just know - I want it and the birth to be easy, oh yeah and the running around afterwards. I'm aiming for this time next year too - I hope we can swap stories then! xx

Crystal said...

Swapping stories would be grand. I have the best hopes for us both that this will be the case. I hear ya on wanting the birth and the life afterward to not be made more complicated by extra weight. Plus, I want to be able to do a natural water birth and not need to be considered a 'high risk' pregnancy because of the weight.

KyokoCake said...

Oh how much I related to this. I'm terrified that by getting pregnant while still obese or overweight I will somehow cause problems for a baby...but that's just a huge motivation for me. We will both get there and I was SO HAPPY to know that the person who won the Bodybugg is someone I think it will help as much as it has helped me!

Crystal said...

Kyoko, I have had those same fears. It's motivating for me too. But I am sure you know how at a loss you can feel when you just don't know how to move forward. I really felt like it was sign when I won. Thank you so much for the give away. I feel so confident again that I can do this. I just know it's going to help and I can get moving on my journey.

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