Sweat is good! I mean unless of course yuo're hiding. Because lets face it. If your sweating like I have been while I am at the gym, they will find you. It doesn't matter who they are, but they will find you.
The good news is however, that the sweat and the stink means I am getting something done! Hurray!
Here are today's statistics.
W2d2 C25K = Fail. I wasn't able to complete it. My body gave out after the third run segment and I had to walk the rest.
Treadmill: 30 Minutes. 1.26 miles. approx 246 calories burned. Avg Cal per Hour 492, Avg Pace 23.48 min per mile. vert distance 159. Avg heart rate 137.
Elliptical: 35 minutes. 2.05 miles. approx 357 calories burned. avg heart rate 142. max heart rate 157.
I felt amazing when I finished.
The only downside today was the stretching room. I think I just posted about how wonderful it is out YMCA has a room for stretching that is cool, darker and quiet. Well today this woman had her two kids in there and she was loud, and her one child was unruly and annoying. It's very hard to listen to your body and stretch when your worried this woman's brat child is going to strangle you with a jump rope. Grrrr
I have a plan for c25k. I have yet to be able to complete w2's workout days in a row. So I am going to try shuffling it up a little bit. I will try w1d1, w2d1, w1d2, w2d2 etc. I want to find something to keep my being successful so I don't get discouraged and stop. I think this might do it. Wish me luck for Thursday!
Oh I also did my weight training routine again. WOW. It was harder today. Apparently I am still feeling all of the activity I have been doing lately. I've burned over 500 calories on the last two gym trips. That was previously unheard of for me. So I am not holding it against myself. I think I am doing dang awesome if I do say so myself. Watch out world, I got your back. :)
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Success and then Confessions...
Today going to the gym was absolutely fantastic. First thing was first. I hadn't done my strength workout since APRIL. *Hangs head in shame* I know, I know. I know how important it is to build muscle as well as shed fat. I know this. I just tend to get tunnel vision. I have decided to widen my tunnel.
I mean let's look at this practically for a moment. Just RUNNING from the zombies isn't enough. Invariably you are going to run down an alley with a huge fence at the end, or one of those giant trash thingies. So what do you do? Make yourself cozy on a table cloth and welcome the horde to the buffet? No of course not! You're going to vault yourself over the huge trash thingie, or pull yourself up over that big fence. And you will run to your freedom!!! Or even better, run to the nearest Amunation and blow the unliving crap out of the horde following you. But this is still better done from the safety of somewhere high. Be careful not to fall, I don't want to be sued because your clumsy. After-all, all of the lawyers might have been eaten by then.
So I started out with my strength workout. There are several circuits at the YMCA. The beginner circuit is called the green circuit and I got all set up on it with a personal trainer when I first started. I am happy to report I have not LOST progress since I stopped doing it. I was still able to complete my circuit and feel good about it. I even discovered one or two places where I need to increase my weight.
After the strength training came C25K training. Since I couldn't complete it last time, I am back to counting this as W2D1. I did it! I learned from my mistakes last time. I slowed my pace back down to what was comfortable, but still challenging for me. I positioned myself between Roger and a Machine that wasn't working so I wouldn't have to deal with weird creepy people. I kept pep talking myself the entire time. The first two run sections were easy. It got hard after that though. So all through the runs I kept chanting in my head... "This is easy. You can do it! Your body is capable of great things! Only another few seconds. Just ten more seconds..." You get the picture. It helped carry me through the really rough pars. I am doing it though. I really am. I went 1.31 miles in 30 minutes. Yey!
I was experiencing some pain in my right leg and ankle though. So from there it was to the quiet room to stretch. I love that our Y has a cool, darker, quit room for stretching and AB work. I spent the next few minutes stretching out my legs, and that really seemed to help with the pain. While this was going on, Roger ran into a friend of his who stopped in.
It got me thinking. Working out is probably the last place you want to run into someone you know. You are sweaty, you stink, and if you're like me, look like hell by the end. But then, if someone can see you and hang out with you while you are in this state, you KNOW they have got your back when the invasion hits. I mean there's not always time for a shower when you're protecting the world from brain lusting aberrations, now is there. roger sees me in my 'I've been at the gym for a few hours' state and still loves me. That's true love right there.
Anyway, after stretching it was elliptical time! It was AWESOME! I did a weight loss program on the elliptical. Basically, it varies the levels of intensity. I did the entire thing on a resistance of 4, but my cross ramp height switched between a 4 and a 10 depending on if it was high or low intensity. OH MAN can you tell when it switches to that 10! For the first 30 seconds or so, each time, I almost felt like I couldn't do it. But then the discomfort faded and I was gliding into the sunset. I did an additional 35 minutes on the elliptical. 2.05 miles! 325 Cal. Whoo!! I'm excited.
Okay. Celebration and excitement... and now time for the confession.
I should have felt on top of the world. I did feel on top of the world. I felt on top of the world until I got home, showered and waited for Roger to shower so we could decide on dinner.
Ah food... my love... my nemesis. We spent the next several HOURS... and even now still to a degree being miserable. MISERABLE. Why? Well... because food is a sensitive subject. Times are tough right now as they are for most people. So we NEED to eat the food we have in the house. Yet, there is noting in this house that we want. What we WANT is to go out, eat whatever we want, have someone else serve it and someone else take it away. Tonight, it wasn't even the old fallback of 'I don't want to cook'. I didn't mind! But there was NOTHING. NOTHING. NOTHING I wanted that we had. I have an issue. Eating something I do not want, does nothing for me. Oh I know it's feeding my cells, but I -feel- completely unfulfilled and therefor want to keep eating until I do feel fulfilled. So I don't eat if its something I don't want. I know it's just going to trigger an awful cycle. However, not eating leads to crankiness, and eventually nausea and headaches for me. Not to mention I just burned over 500 calories. I need to refuel. So Roger did the smart thing and just made something... ANYTHING. It was healthy... brown rice, chicken breast and mixed vegetables. It was even tasty. However, I didn't want it. I ate it, but I didn't want it. So therefore, I didn't really enjoy it, and now I still want to go eat because I don't feel fulfilled in anyway.
I feel so stupid for feeling this way.
I have a list of goals that I want to accomplish with this weight loss journey. Some of them are physical, like I want to be able to cross my legs, or I want to be able to wrap a normal size towel around me. Some of them, however, are deeply emotional to me. One of them... is to feel in control of food instead of feeling it is in control of me.
I feel controlled... I don't like it.
I mean let's look at this practically for a moment. Just RUNNING from the zombies isn't enough. Invariably you are going to run down an alley with a huge fence at the end, or one of those giant trash thingies. So what do you do? Make yourself cozy on a table cloth and welcome the horde to the buffet? No of course not! You're going to vault yourself over the huge trash thingie, or pull yourself up over that big fence. And you will run to your freedom!!! Or even better, run to the nearest Amunation and blow the unliving crap out of the horde following you. But this is still better done from the safety of somewhere high. Be careful not to fall, I don't want to be sued because your clumsy. After-all, all of the lawyers might have been eaten by then.
So I started out with my strength workout. There are several circuits at the YMCA. The beginner circuit is called the green circuit and I got all set up on it with a personal trainer when I first started. I am happy to report I have not LOST progress since I stopped doing it. I was still able to complete my circuit and feel good about it. I even discovered one or two places where I need to increase my weight.
After the strength training came C25K training. Since I couldn't complete it last time, I am back to counting this as W2D1. I did it! I learned from my mistakes last time. I slowed my pace back down to what was comfortable, but still challenging for me. I positioned myself between Roger and a Machine that wasn't working so I wouldn't have to deal with weird creepy people. I kept pep talking myself the entire time. The first two run sections were easy. It got hard after that though. So all through the runs I kept chanting in my head... "This is easy. You can do it! Your body is capable of great things! Only another few seconds. Just ten more seconds..." You get the picture. It helped carry me through the really rough pars. I am doing it though. I really am. I went 1.31 miles in 30 minutes. Yey!
I was experiencing some pain in my right leg and ankle though. So from there it was to the quiet room to stretch. I love that our Y has a cool, darker, quit room for stretching and AB work. I spent the next few minutes stretching out my legs, and that really seemed to help with the pain. While this was going on, Roger ran into a friend of his who stopped in.
It got me thinking. Working out is probably the last place you want to run into someone you know. You are sweaty, you stink, and if you're like me, look like hell by the end. But then, if someone can see you and hang out with you while you are in this state, you KNOW they have got your back when the invasion hits. I mean there's not always time for a shower when you're protecting the world from brain lusting aberrations, now is there. roger sees me in my 'I've been at the gym for a few hours' state and still loves me. That's true love right there.
Anyway, after stretching it was elliptical time! It was AWESOME! I did a weight loss program on the elliptical. Basically, it varies the levels of intensity. I did the entire thing on a resistance of 4, but my cross ramp height switched between a 4 and a 10 depending on if it was high or low intensity. OH MAN can you tell when it switches to that 10! For the first 30 seconds or so, each time, I almost felt like I couldn't do it. But then the discomfort faded and I was gliding into the sunset. I did an additional 35 minutes on the elliptical. 2.05 miles! 325 Cal. Whoo!! I'm excited.
Okay. Celebration and excitement... and now time for the confession.
I should have felt on top of the world. I did feel on top of the world. I felt on top of the world until I got home, showered and waited for Roger to shower so we could decide on dinner.
Ah food... my love... my nemesis. We spent the next several HOURS... and even now still to a degree being miserable. MISERABLE. Why? Well... because food is a sensitive subject. Times are tough right now as they are for most people. So we NEED to eat the food we have in the house. Yet, there is noting in this house that we want. What we WANT is to go out, eat whatever we want, have someone else serve it and someone else take it away. Tonight, it wasn't even the old fallback of 'I don't want to cook'. I didn't mind! But there was NOTHING. NOTHING. NOTHING I wanted that we had. I have an issue. Eating something I do not want, does nothing for me. Oh I know it's feeding my cells, but I -feel- completely unfulfilled and therefor want to keep eating until I do feel fulfilled. So I don't eat if its something I don't want. I know it's just going to trigger an awful cycle. However, not eating leads to crankiness, and eventually nausea and headaches for me. Not to mention I just burned over 500 calories. I need to refuel. So Roger did the smart thing and just made something... ANYTHING. It was healthy... brown rice, chicken breast and mixed vegetables. It was even tasty. However, I didn't want it. I ate it, but I didn't want it. So therefore, I didn't really enjoy it, and now I still want to go eat because I don't feel fulfilled in anyway.
I feel so stupid for feeling this way.
I have a list of goals that I want to accomplish with this weight loss journey. Some of them are physical, like I want to be able to cross my legs, or I want to be able to wrap a normal size towel around me. Some of them, however, are deeply emotional to me. One of them... is to feel in control of food instead of feeling it is in control of me.
I feel controlled... I don't like it.
Friday, June 25, 2010
If I glide, they won't hear me coming...
Because zombies are notoriously bad of hearing, right? No... not really. Notoriously bad at staircases? Yes!! Ah, well then. My training was not for nought then.
I went back to the Y today and attempted w2d2 of c25k. Today did not go well. I made it through one and a half run sessions. There were several factors working against me.
The good news is when I felt like I was going to fall down foff the treadmill, we went to go stretch. I stopped to use the rest room and was actually feeling calmer and less pain in my legs than a few minutes earlier. So T. E. R and I decided to hop on the ellipticals for a little while.
When we first started going to the Y we tried these. I kid you not, after 2-3 minutes I felt like I was going to die. DIE. DIE a horrible undeath of zombie agony... But this time... Well. I ran on the elliptical for 20 minutes! TWENTY MINUTES after 30 minutes on the treadmill! I am so freaking proud of myself. I am so thrilled at the progress I have made. Best of all... IT WAS FUN!! Now we have two machines at the Y that we have a good time on. It's been a good day!
I went back to the Y today and attempted w2d2 of c25k. Today did not go well. I made it through one and a half run sessions. There were several factors working against me.
- My right foot and leg were hurting me by the end of the first run section. I have noticed that I seem to 'lead' with my right foot. I always feel as though that leg is striding forward and my left foot is just catching up. The Educated Rabbit tells me he cannot see a difference in my stride, so it cannot be as bad as it feels. However, I am always suffering fatigue in my right leg because of it. If I am thinking about it and concentrating, I can shift my leading leg to the other leg. I wish however, there was a way I could just run evenly on both legs.
- The creepy guy on the treadmill next to me. This isn't entirely accurate. There was girl on the treadmill next to me, and he was hanging out at her treadmill. I am not sure what it was about the guy that totally gave me the willies, but he did. Also, he was so freaking loud. I had to have my headphones turned up almost to painful to block him out. The comments he was making to the girl he was with just bothered me. He was constantly yelling at her to go faster and trying to adjust the controls on her machine to which she was screeching and whining shrilly to get him to stop.
- I over did it. I tried to match T. E. R's pace from our last session. His stride is remarkably longer than mine is however. By trying to match his pace I burned myself out very quickly. My body just needed more time to recover.
The good news is when I felt like I was going to fall down foff the treadmill, we went to go stretch. I stopped to use the rest room and was actually feeling calmer and less pain in my legs than a few minutes earlier. So T. E. R and I decided to hop on the ellipticals for a little while.
When we first started going to the Y we tried these. I kid you not, after 2-3 minutes I felt like I was going to die. DIE. DIE a horrible undeath of zombie agony... But this time... Well. I ran on the elliptical for 20 minutes! TWENTY MINUTES after 30 minutes on the treadmill! I am so freaking proud of myself. I am so thrilled at the progress I have made. Best of all... IT WAS FUN!! Now we have two machines at the Y that we have a good time on. It's been a good day!
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Progress
I returned from the YMCA successful! Tonight was really a test in determination. I didn't go to the gym at all last week. As you might notice, its Wednesday now, and I hadn't been at all this week either. Last night I was trying to think of a way to get out of going today, I admit it. Well, I didn't get out of it, and I managed to get myself excited about going. Then the car died.
This is how it will be in the end you know. They will evacuate the area, because of the zombie invasion. You'll holkd out just like people do during hurricane evacuations. When you finally decide... you know, the begonias just aren't holding back the legion of undead like I thought they might, we really should evacuate... You will find out your car battery is dead. So what do you do? Do you go back in the house and start clearing off your kitchen and coffee tables to block the windows off? Of course not! You grab yourself a machete and go steal a car to get theheck out of dodge!!
So in the spirit of not being defeated, we manually cleared the shrubs, bushes and wild foliage around where we park so another car could be driving up. This was an upper body workout in itself and got the car jumped. Then we hauled our sweaty mosquito bitten bodies to the gym and ran. Oh yes my friends, this chubby chica completed Week 2 Day 1! It was my fourth attempt and I did it! YES I DID. WHOO!
It was totally worth it.
But seriously... when they say the zombies are coming, its time to evacuate... just do it. :)
This is how it will be in the end you know. They will evacuate the area, because of the zombie invasion. You'll holkd out just like people do during hurricane evacuations. When you finally decide... you know, the begonias just aren't holding back the legion of undead like I thought they might, we really should evacuate... You will find out your car battery is dead. So what do you do? Do you go back in the house and start clearing off your kitchen and coffee tables to block the windows off? Of course not! You grab yourself a machete and go steal a car to get theheck out of dodge!!
So in the spirit of not being defeated, we manually cleared the shrubs, bushes and wild foliage around where we park so another car could be driving up. This was an upper body workout in itself and got the car jumped. Then we hauled our sweaty mosquito bitten bodies to the gym and ran. Oh yes my friends, this chubby chica completed Week 2 Day 1! It was my fourth attempt and I did it! YES I DID. WHOO!
It was totally worth it.
But seriously... when they say the zombies are coming, its time to evacuate... just do it. :)
Monday, June 21, 2010
A quote
Even those on the right path will be run over if they just sit there.
I am paraphrasing this quote because I don't have it in front of me. But I need to take this to heart. I didn't go to the gym or running all last week because of my injury. Today I didn't go because we didn't get up until 2pm. This was because my poor Educated Rabbit was working on his Team Assignment for School until 6am. This is no fault of his however. I refuse to speak poorly of these people as it could negatively effect y beloved. So I will leave it as it was no fault of his.
Tomorrow however come rain shine or Zombies, I am going to the gym! I am working too hard and not willing to risk my success. Besides, I need to work off this fabulous seafood dinner that we made tonight!
I am paraphrasing this quote because I don't have it in front of me. But I need to take this to heart. I didn't go to the gym or running all last week because of my injury. Today I didn't go because we didn't get up until 2pm. This was because my poor Educated Rabbit was working on his Team Assignment for School until 6am. This is no fault of his however. I refuse to speak poorly of these people as it could negatively effect y beloved. So I will leave it as it was no fault of his.
Tomorrow however come rain shine or Zombies, I am going to the gym! I am working too hard and not willing to risk my success. Besides, I need to work off this fabulous seafood dinner that we made tonight!
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
A Repost With a Good Message
From fatgirlvsworld.blogspot.com
Some great quotes from Jewel in the July 2010 Shape Magazine cover story:
On being called "the chubby Renee Zellweger" in the media years ago:
"My feelings were so hurt by that story, I ended up bingeing on an entire cake. Afterward, I actually tried to throw it all up, but thankfully I couldn't do it. It made me think, 'I can't go down this road.' I had seen so many performers develop eating disorders or try to control their weight with drugs, and I decided I would do no harm to my body."
Her advice to women:
"We should be more like men, God bless 'em. They can take their shirts off and show their man boobs, and they don't give a hoot. But women are so critical of themselves. We can be gorgeous and hot and still be embarrassed to wear a tank top. So if you can't stop looking in the mirror, at least try to not think badly about yourself when you do."
I'd love to see you all repost/link this to your blogs and/or to send me a comment that you'll do the same.
Let us rise up and be thankful,
for if we didn't learn a lot today,
at least we learned a little,
and if we didn't learn a little,
at least we didn't get sick,
and if we got sick,
at least we didn't die;
so let us all be thankful. ~ Buddha
Some great quotes from Jewel in the July 2010 Shape Magazine cover story:
On being called "the chubby Renee Zellweger" in the media years ago:
"My feelings were so hurt by that story, I ended up bingeing on an entire cake. Afterward, I actually tried to throw it all up, but thankfully I couldn't do it. It made me think, 'I can't go down this road.' I had seen so many performers develop eating disorders or try to control their weight with drugs, and I decided I would do no harm to my body."
Her advice to women:
"We should be more like men, God bless 'em. They can take their shirts off and show their man boobs, and they don't give a hoot. But women are so critical of themselves. We can be gorgeous and hot and still be embarrassed to wear a tank top. So if you can't stop looking in the mirror, at least try to not think badly about yourself when you do."
So let's all promise two things to ourselves today...
1. I will do no harm to my body.
2. I will not think badly about myself when I look in the mirror. 
I'd love to see you all repost/link this to your blogs and/or to send me a comment that you'll do the same.
Let us rise up and be thankful,
for if we didn't learn a lot today,
at least we learned a little,
and if we didn't learn a little,
at least we didn't get sick,
and if we got sick,
at least we didn't die;
so let us all be thankful. ~ Buddha
Monday, June 14, 2010
Back You Beasts!
I have figured it out. This huge blister on my foot is part of the plot to slow down my fitness progress! The creatures of the night, and dark... and really just creatures of the 'ewww' (I mean seriously, have you seen some of these guys?) ... are uniting against me!
Resident Evil goes on to explain that when one becomes infected with the T Virus, you can gt huge blisters that cause you to drag your feet around. Clearly I am too awesome to become infected, and if I were, I keep on of these... around anyway.
-BUT- This insiduous plot agsint my poor feet has not gone unnoticed Zombies! I've got your number and I'm coming for you! You know, as soon as I can put weight on this foot again! DAMN YOU ZOMBIES!!!
I've been tracking what I am eating over the last week and I am doing well. I've managed to stay within caloric range most days! I am still working on not skipping meals. I need a schedule something fierce. I did however, break down and have a soda yesterday. It's a very personal gol for me to be able to do without soda. I was addicted for a long time and then I have it up. I went two years with out it and now I am drinking it again. So my goal was to go two weeks without it. I made it just over one. It's not the having ingested the thing that is bothering me, it's not being able to reach my goal. But I'll just try again. I know I can do it.
I am hoping to be able to get back to the gym tomorrow. The blister burst today so I can actually put my foot down flat. I was in no shape to run on it today though. We'll see how it feels tomorrow.
On a side note, I am completely overwhelmed by some of the other obligations I have going on right now. I need to hit AT LEAST the 50% mark on Sylvie and Swallowtail, Yeesh...
Resident Evil goes on to explain that when one becomes infected with the T Virus, you can gt huge blisters that cause you to drag your feet around. Clearly I am too awesome to become infected, and if I were, I keep on of these... around anyway.
-BUT- This insiduous plot agsint my poor feet has not gone unnoticed Zombies! I've got your number and I'm coming for you! You know, as soon as I can put weight on this foot again! DAMN YOU ZOMBIES!!!
I've been tracking what I am eating over the last week and I am doing well. I've managed to stay within caloric range most days! I am still working on not skipping meals. I need a schedule something fierce. I did however, break down and have a soda yesterday. It's a very personal gol for me to be able to do without soda. I was addicted for a long time and then I have it up. I went two years with out it and now I am drinking it again. So my goal was to go two weeks without it. I made it just over one. It's not the having ingested the thing that is bothering me, it's not being able to reach my goal. But I'll just try again. I know I can do it.
I am hoping to be able to get back to the gym tomorrow. The blister burst today so I can actually put my foot down flat. I was in no shape to run on it today though. We'll see how it feels tomorrow.
On a side note, I am completely overwhelmed by some of the other obligations I have going on right now. I need to hit AT LEAST the 50% mark on Sylvie and Swallowtail, Yeesh...
Saturday, June 12, 2010
EXTREME.... walking?
I decided to hit the trail head again today. I'm really rather proud of myself for this. I was all excited to go and managed to maintain that excitement all throughout the hot part of the day. Walking the trail in this weather means waiting until the sun is getting ready to set. Between 6:00 and 6:30 is the earliest I would try and go out there.
Well I had intended to run today. However, the left side of my face once again feels all funk-da-fied and I can't breathe out of my left nostril. So no running for me right now. Seriously, I was huffing and puffing like the undead already, running might just have finished me off.
Since I was not doing my run, I decided to go ahead and walk the 5k. I've done this before. What the heck was my issue today!? It was a great workout certainly, but I somehow broke myself. I have a MASSIVE blister on the ball of my right foot, and certain other parts I wont mention here got chafed like CRAZY. I mean it was hot out and all, but what in the world...?
I am proud of going and walking. I mean, I had to push through even if I didn't want too... being miles away from the car will do that to you. But dang... oww!
Well I had intended to run today. However, the left side of my face once again feels all funk-da-fied and I can't breathe out of my left nostril. So no running for me right now. Seriously, I was huffing and puffing like the undead already, running might just have finished me off.
Since I was not doing my run, I decided to go ahead and walk the 5k. I've done this before. What the heck was my issue today!? It was a great workout certainly, but I somehow broke myself. I have a MASSIVE blister on the ball of my right foot, and certain other parts I wont mention here got chafed like CRAZY. I mean it was hot out and all, but what in the world...?
I am proud of going and walking. I mean, I had to push through even if I didn't want too... being miles away from the car will do that to you. But dang... oww!
Friday, June 11, 2010
Where it all began...
I did not go to the Y on Wednesday....
But don't come down on me yet. Just listen...
One might say I am zombie obsessed. (I would never know where this notion came from...) Or, at the very least, that I have a fondness for them.
This is thanks to the Resident Evil franchise. It's a fantastically wonderful game series which spawned an entertaining movie series. We're not talking academy awards or anything, but if you like zombies, and watching people blow them up, it's a good time!
So then a little over a year ago, The Educated Rabbit and I were walking at the trail head. WE are both Role Players, and have been for years. We're also extremely lucky to have a couple live near to us who are our very good friends, and also very good role players. Trust me, as role players you find yourself to be blessed when you actually have a group near by, and extremely lucky when all of the players are GOOD. So the idea was spawned to create a RPG about Zombies and taking place in the Resident Evil World. The Educated Rabbit runs it, and the three of us are players. It has been a booming Success.
It has also fed my Zombie Mania...
I also have a new appreciation for Polynesians, Pineapples, Cars, and big guns... but that's another story.
Anyway... As we all know, I amsecretely training for surviving the Zombie Apocalypse by Avoiding Corn dogs... and learning to run. Yesterday I went for my first run outside... in the place it all began. I ran at the Trail Head. It was amazing to have finished my run. I almost completed w2d2 of c25k. I didn't QUITE make it. But I'm getting better.
I am sure I would not outrun the zombies yet. Not even a little... but I'm getting there!
But don't come down on me yet. Just listen...
One might say I am zombie obsessed. (I would never know where this notion came from...) Or, at the very least, that I have a fondness for them.
This is thanks to the Resident Evil franchise. It's a fantastically wonderful game series which spawned an entertaining movie series. We're not talking academy awards or anything, but if you like zombies, and watching people blow them up, it's a good time!
So then a little over a year ago, The Educated Rabbit and I were walking at the trail head. WE are both Role Players, and have been for years. We're also extremely lucky to have a couple live near to us who are our very good friends, and also very good role players. Trust me, as role players you find yourself to be blessed when you actually have a group near by, and extremely lucky when all of the players are GOOD. So the idea was spawned to create a RPG about Zombies and taking place in the Resident Evil World. The Educated Rabbit runs it, and the three of us are players. It has been a booming Success.
It has also fed my Zombie Mania...
I also have a new appreciation for Polynesians, Pineapples, Cars, and big guns... but that's another story.
Anyway... As we all know, I am
I am sure I would not outrun the zombies yet. Not even a little... but I'm getting there!
Thursday, June 10, 2010
No I am not a vampire!
I infact, CAN be seen outside during daylight hours! It's just been too darn hot here in Florida to venture outside while the sun is still hanging in the sky. It has not been uncommon for it to hang out around 90 degrees in the shade, all the way until the sun sets. Now add the fact our humidity is out of control... and we have a complete avoidance of the outside.
This really upsets me, actually. In New York, where I grew up, the early evening hours of spring and summer were some of my favorite times. I love the blue grey light and the warm gentle breezes. We, of course, had humid days too, but not to the constant extent that we do here in Florida.
Yesterday started out as one of -those- days. You know the days I am talking about. You wake up sad or angry, have a headache, feel under the weather, and generally just want to spend the day doing nothing waiting for tomorrow. It started out as one of those days. I spend most of the day doing not much, and waiting for tomorrow. But then around 7:00 I decided I wanted to go for a walk. Far be it for me to turn down an opportunity when I actually WANT to go outside.
So the Educated Rabbit and I got dressed in appropriate 'outside' clothes; grabbed our MP3 players and headed out to the trail head we like to walk at. I lucked out completely. The weather was fantastic. It was warm, but not unbearably hot, and it was humid, but not terribly so. (This is Florida afterall) So not only did I walk, but I actually continued my training. -ON TIME-
I almost skipped a training day. Thankfully, I actually managed to kick my own rear into shape to get out there and get going. The exciting news is that I was almost able to complete the whole thing this time. Technically, I still consider myself to be on W2D1 because I haven't 'completed' it yet. I am -THIS- close though. The only thing was, I had to pause it in between my last two run sections. I just needed a few extra minutes to recover before finishing strong. I am really proud of myself.
Take that world!
This really upsets me, actually. In New York, where I grew up, the early evening hours of spring and summer were some of my favorite times. I love the blue grey light and the warm gentle breezes. We, of course, had humid days too, but not to the constant extent that we do here in Florida.
Yesterday started out as one of -those- days. You know the days I am talking about. You wake up sad or angry, have a headache, feel under the weather, and generally just want to spend the day doing nothing waiting for tomorrow. It started out as one of those days. I spend most of the day doing not much, and waiting for tomorrow. But then around 7:00 I decided I wanted to go for a walk. Far be it for me to turn down an opportunity when I actually WANT to go outside.
So the Educated Rabbit and I got dressed in appropriate 'outside' clothes; grabbed our MP3 players and headed out to the trail head we like to walk at. I lucked out completely. The weather was fantastic. It was warm, but not unbearably hot, and it was humid, but not terribly so. (This is Florida afterall) So not only did I walk, but I actually continued my training. -ON TIME-
I almost skipped a training day. Thankfully, I actually managed to kick my own rear into shape to get out there and get going. The exciting news is that I was almost able to complete the whole thing this time. Technically, I still consider myself to be on W2D1 because I haven't 'completed' it yet. I am -THIS- close though. The only thing was, I had to pause it in between my last two run sections. I just needed a few extra minutes to recover before finishing strong. I am really proud of myself.
Take that world!
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Plans! Know thy Enemy!
I need a plan. I am so much better when I have a plan. I also need it to be reasonable, followable, and for right now... simple. I need a plan I can follow for my eating that will make me feel successful and really get me motivated to stick with it. I have a friend who told me I need to approach cooking and eating right now as a labor of love. I don't disagree with that, but I am feeling so lost and overwhelmed right now.
I am considering following the Spark meal plans for a little while, but money is so tight right now I am kind of afraid of not being able to afford it. I am not sure if this is just an excuse trying to pop into my head, or a valid concern. I have trouble telling them apart these days. I am so used to making excuses.
I really need a few healthy go to ideas for dinners and lunches so that I can make them ahead of time and freeze them. That way when those times where I don't want to cook hit me, I have something to turn to rather than going out to eat which I can't afford anyway. Bah!
So I guess it is time to do some research. I need to look around on the Spark recipes, and also at the food plans. I guess I haven't yet learned how to eat in a balanced way yet either.
I seriously need a plan.
I am considering following the Spark meal plans for a little while, but money is so tight right now I am kind of afraid of not being able to afford it. I am not sure if this is just an excuse trying to pop into my head, or a valid concern. I have trouble telling them apart these days. I am so used to making excuses.
I really need a few healthy go to ideas for dinners and lunches so that I can make them ahead of time and freeze them. That way when those times where I don't want to cook hit me, I have something to turn to rather than going out to eat which I can't afford anyway. Bah!
So I guess it is time to do some research. I need to look around on the Spark recipes, and also at the food plans. I guess I haven't yet learned how to eat in a balanced way yet either.
I seriously need a plan.
Monday, June 7, 2010
The hidden dangers of.... things hidden
I actually recorded and tracked all of my food today. And just as I was about to congratulate myself on a job well done, I then looked at my total calories eaten!!
For the love of all things holy! I overate by 1000 calories.
::shuffle shuffle:: BRRRAAAIIIIINNNNSSSSS ::shuffle shuffle::
I think I hear them coming closer.
Seriously, 1000 calories? That is almost all of tomorrow's calories. It certainly opened my eyes to how out of whack my perceptions of food have become. I am way out of practice. It's time to get back to it.
Incidentally, I realized today when it comes to fighting zombies, you should walk softly and carry a big gun. That way, hopefully they won't hear you. If they do hear you, you happen to have a big gun you can blow their brains out with. (which depending on if it has just eaten means aiming for the had or the stomach.) Barring that, there is the old fall back of RUN THE HECK AWAY! This is the part I was training for today. Yes indeedy, I went to the Y.
HOLY COW. Let me tell you something. Those extra 30 seconds of jogging added in are nothing to sneeze at. They are something to pant and sweat and swear at! But I did it anyway. I DID NOT manage to run the full intervals with the exception of the first and second to last one. But I don't care. I am improving and I felt so good having completed it. I even added an additional 5 minutes of walking onto the end. I want to keep adding walking time so that I am walking a full 30 minutes extra on top of the running portions. Walking just makes me FEEL good.
There is this wonderful sensation that comes over me sometimes when I am doing a run section. When I am into the music and am able to fully concentrate on my running and breathing, I feel like I am flying. I can feel a smile just take over my face and I wonder when I became a girl who smiles while running. I'm 281lbs as of this morning. My highest recorded weight ever, and I feel like I can do something.
Now. If I could just get the pain in my calves to go away while I am running, things would be golden! But Not too much at once ey?
I'm totally a fat girl running. Before Spark I wouldn't have even given this concept a thought. You need to BE thin to start running. Running just makes you strong and keeps you thin, right? Where do we get these notions from. Is it because no one ever told us we could? Is it because people told us we couldn't? I know that a great deal of my self doubt stems from school. I could never complete the mile run in high school. I was overweight then too, but not by this much. So if I couldn't do it then, I sure as heck can't do it now, right?
WRONG!!! WRONG!!! All of it! So Wrong!
The truth is, if your body will take it, (and it will take so much more than you think it will) than YES YOU CAN DO IT! And anyone who has a problem with you or the fact you are trying to meet your goals be damned!
So get a good look at it now Zombies. Fantasize about it super-sized with cheese a drink and a dinky plastic toy, because I am running this fat tush right off!
For the love of all things holy! I overate by 1000 calories.
::shuffle shuffle:: BRRRAAAIIIIINNNNSSSSS ::shuffle shuffle::
I think I hear them coming closer.
Seriously, 1000 calories? That is almost all of tomorrow's calories. It certainly opened my eyes to how out of whack my perceptions of food have become. I am way out of practice. It's time to get back to it.
Incidentally, I realized today when it comes to fighting zombies, you should walk softly and carry a big gun. That way, hopefully they won't hear you. If they do hear you, you happen to have a big gun you can blow their brains out with. (which depending on if it has just eaten means aiming for the had or the stomach.) Barring that, there is the old fall back of RUN THE HECK AWAY! This is the part I was training for today. Yes indeedy, I went to the Y.
HOLY COW. Let me tell you something. Those extra 30 seconds of jogging added in are nothing to sneeze at. They are something to pant and sweat and swear at! But I did it anyway. I DID NOT manage to run the full intervals with the exception of the first and second to last one. But I don't care. I am improving and I felt so good having completed it. I even added an additional 5 minutes of walking onto the end. I want to keep adding walking time so that I am walking a full 30 minutes extra on top of the running portions. Walking just makes me FEEL good.
There is this wonderful sensation that comes over me sometimes when I am doing a run section. When I am into the music and am able to fully concentrate on my running and breathing, I feel like I am flying. I can feel a smile just take over my face and I wonder when I became a girl who smiles while running. I'm 281lbs as of this morning. My highest recorded weight ever, and I feel like I can do something.
Now. If I could just get the pain in my calves to go away while I am running, things would be golden! But Not too much at once ey?
I'm totally a fat girl running. Before Spark I wouldn't have even given this concept a thought. You need to BE thin to start running. Running just makes you strong and keeps you thin, right? Where do we get these notions from. Is it because no one ever told us we could? Is it because people told us we couldn't? I know that a great deal of my self doubt stems from school. I could never complete the mile run in high school. I was overweight then too, but not by this much. So if I couldn't do it then, I sure as heck can't do it now, right?
WRONG!!! WRONG!!! All of it! So Wrong!
The truth is, if your body will take it, (and it will take so much more than you think it will) than YES YOU CAN DO IT! And anyone who has a problem with you or the fact you are trying to meet your goals be damned!
So get a good look at it now Zombies. Fantasize about it super-sized with cheese a drink and a dinky plastic toy, because I am running this fat tush right off!
The one I will become will catch me...
Something to remember as I head out to the Y today.
Let me fall
Let me climb
There’s a moment when fear
And dreams must collide
Someone I am
Is waiting for courage
The one I want
The one I will become
Will catch me
Thank you Fat Girl Vs World.
Let me fall
Let me climb
There’s a moment when fear
And dreams must collide
Someone I am
Is waiting for courage
The one I want
The one I will become
Will catch me
Thank you Fat Girl Vs World.
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Let's Talk About Fear
I've been examining a great deal of my behavior. I am definitely self sabotaging. There is no reason at all that I should be this far back in my 'progress'. I use this word lightly. Progress suggests having gotten somewhere, not having gotten somewhere and then receded completely back to the beginning.
I can however say that I am proud of myself for not giving up. I am still going to the gym. I am still TRYING to make better decisions. I am still not deciding that being fit and thin is too much work and deciding to be fat forever.
There is a quote I heard recently that really made me think. I can't remember the exact wording, but to paraphrase it basically said...
What would you do if you knew you wouldn't fail?
This basically translates to me as... what would you accomplish if you could just ditch the fear? I really think most of my hangups come from two specific things. One of them is I am learning that I am afraid of failing. And the second is, that food has a tremendous control over me. I hate both of these things.
I am so confused and wound up about both of these that I am not even sure entirely how to go about writing about them. Tomorrow is my day back at the gym. I have decided to go ahead and push on through to week 2 of C25K. I'll be honest and say I'm scared of this decision. I'm afraid it's too much too soon. I'm afraid I won't make it. I'm kind of afraid of pushing myself too hard and having a heart attack or something. I'm afraid of being disappointed with my calories burned even if I am proud of my run.
Tomorrow there is also a ZUMBA class. I've wanted to try it for so long. One of the reasons we joined the Y was because they had classes we wanted to take. We have yet to try any of these classes. Why? Because I'm afraid I'll look stupid, or I won't be able to keep up with the class. I'm afraid of embarrassing myself.
I really want to try the ZUMBA class. I really want to continue to run and improve. My goal is to run a 5K in October. I haven't picked it out yet, but that is my goal.
Of course I have a lot of weight loss goals... I have many many fitness goals. I feel like for the most part I am disappointing myself. I know I'm hard on me, but dammit... some of the things I keep undermining my progress with are STUPID.
Now lets talk a little about the lack of willpower also known has food has more control over me than I do. I hate this! This makes me want to cry. Seriously... I will tell you something I am embarassed about... why? Because one day when I look back at this I want to be able to say that I have some so far. Also... just maybe if you are going through this too, then you know you aren't alone. The other night neither The Educated Rabbit or I wanted to cook. We were tired, we had a long week, we just wanted to be catered too. But we knew it was bad for us. We really need to get back to healthy eating. Also, we're unemployed and it's EXPENSIVE to eat out. And I threw a tantrum. I admit it. I whined and I got upset and eventually we decided to just go out to eat... for all you can eat B-B-Q.... yikes. The whole time I was so mad at myself that I couldn't stop this behavior. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? I feel like I am five or something. It's terrible.
How do I even start to battle this monster?
I think it's going to take more than avoiding the corn dogs, or shooting the knee caps off Portuguese Vampires to sort this mess out.
I can however say that I am proud of myself for not giving up. I am still going to the gym. I am still TRYING to make better decisions. I am still not deciding that being fit and thin is too much work and deciding to be fat forever.
There is a quote I heard recently that really made me think. I can't remember the exact wording, but to paraphrase it basically said...
What would you do if you knew you wouldn't fail?
This basically translates to me as... what would you accomplish if you could just ditch the fear? I really think most of my hangups come from two specific things. One of them is I am learning that I am afraid of failing. And the second is, that food has a tremendous control over me. I hate both of these things.
I am so confused and wound up about both of these that I am not even sure entirely how to go about writing about them. Tomorrow is my day back at the gym. I have decided to go ahead and push on through to week 2 of C25K. I'll be honest and say I'm scared of this decision. I'm afraid it's too much too soon. I'm afraid I won't make it. I'm kind of afraid of pushing myself too hard and having a heart attack or something. I'm afraid of being disappointed with my calories burned even if I am proud of my run.
Tomorrow there is also a ZUMBA class. I've wanted to try it for so long. One of the reasons we joined the Y was because they had classes we wanted to take. We have yet to try any of these classes. Why? Because I'm afraid I'll look stupid, or I won't be able to keep up with the class. I'm afraid of embarrassing myself.
I really want to try the ZUMBA class. I really want to continue to run and improve. My goal is to run a 5K in October. I haven't picked it out yet, but that is my goal.
Of course I have a lot of weight loss goals... I have many many fitness goals. I feel like for the most part I am disappointing myself. I know I'm hard on me, but dammit... some of the things I keep undermining my progress with are STUPID.
Now lets talk a little about the lack of willpower also known has food has more control over me than I do. I hate this! This makes me want to cry. Seriously... I will tell you something I am embarassed about... why? Because one day when I look back at this I want to be able to say that I have some so far. Also... just maybe if you are going through this too, then you know you aren't alone. The other night neither The Educated Rabbit or I wanted to cook. We were tired, we had a long week, we just wanted to be catered too. But we knew it was bad for us. We really need to get back to healthy eating. Also, we're unemployed and it's EXPENSIVE to eat out. And I threw a tantrum. I admit it. I whined and I got upset and eventually we decided to just go out to eat... for all you can eat B-B-Q.... yikes. The whole time I was so mad at myself that I couldn't stop this behavior. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? I feel like I am five or something. It's terrible.
How do I even start to battle this monster?
I think it's going to take more than avoiding the corn dogs, or shooting the knee caps off Portuguese Vampires to sort this mess out.
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Dealing with Hurt
Hurt is a strange thing. It's one of those emotions that you wish you never ever had to experience, but somehow in the end makes you stronger anyway.
Ow, this pan is hot. That hurt, I won't grab it again.
I stabbed myself with this needle, it hurt. I'll use a thimble next time.
Hmm, making that presentation without preparing was embarrassing, it hurt my ego. I'll study next time.
Loving that person didn't work out. It hurt. I'll stop loving..... ??
See, it doesn't always work, does it. No it doesn't. Nothing in life is clearly cut and dry. Nothing in life is truly black and white.
A truly difficult place to be in, is one where you want to ease the hurt when you know there isn't a solve, or a band-aid, or even a magic kiss that can make it better. Only time and bravery. Time to heal the wound, and bravery to open oneself up again.
Ow, this pan is hot. That hurt, I won't grab it again.
I stabbed myself with this needle, it hurt. I'll use a thimble next time.
Hmm, making that presentation without preparing was embarrassing, it hurt my ego. I'll study next time.
Loving that person didn't work out. It hurt. I'll stop loving..... ??
See, it doesn't always work, does it. No it doesn't. Nothing in life is clearly cut and dry. Nothing in life is truly black and white.
A truly difficult place to be in, is one where you want to ease the hurt when you know there isn't a solve, or a band-aid, or even a magic kiss that can make it better. Only time and bravery. Time to heal the wound, and bravery to open oneself up again.
Friday, June 4, 2010
I have not been eaten...
My lack of presence is not in fact due to being overrun by the legions of undead. I can, in fact, make a coherent sentence that does not consist of...
"BRRRAAAAIIIIINNNNNNSSSSSSSSSS"
However, this past week I had a house guest. My lovely house guest brought with her a mot fantastically cute baby. The fantastically cute baby found himself to be quite sleepy very often. He also happened to be sleeping in the room where my computer is. So NO INTERNETZ for a week or so. However I am back now, joining the land of bloggers, dieters, and undead hunters.
Monday continues my training and I shall be upping my intensity. Trust me, after this week past, I need it.
"BRRRAAAAIIIIINNNNNNSSSSSSSSSS"
However, this past week I had a house guest. My lovely house guest brought with her a mot fantastically cute baby. The fantastically cute baby found himself to be quite sleepy very often. He also happened to be sleeping in the room where my computer is. So NO INTERNETZ for a week or so. However I am back now, joining the land of bloggers, dieters, and undead hunters.
Monday continues my training and I shall be upping my intensity. Trust me, after this week past, I need it.
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