Saturday, May 15, 2010

Vampire Proof Walking

I made progress yesterday. I went out walking again. This is the third time this week which means I may be developing some kind of pattern. This is fantastic!

It was also the most vampire proof walk I have ever gone on. I made the ridiculous mistake in timing and chose to walk during a part of the day that would probably have melted the blob in it's tracks. However, with the sun blazing so hot overhead, there was absolutely no chance of a vampire attack. Therefor, I left my kneecap shooter at home. I didn't need to be carrying the extra bulk anyway.

Yesterday I also managed to make it to the one and a half mile mark. The two previous walks this week have both been one mile. How about that? I also made a discovery on that walk...

Turtles shall be the only creatures to survive the zombie apocalypse. Seriously. There was this big fat turtle crossing the road while I was out walking. (It sounds like there is a joke thinly veiled there) It's true. They move just fast enough they would probably easily keep pace with the shuffling horde. Being way down on the ground however, a zombie would need to stop and kneel to get at it.

... Have you ever seen the brainless undead try and coordinate the kneeling positions? Of course you haven't! What a laugh. They would naturally fall on their faces, mouth first. The turtle naturally would have skirted himself forward, or just tucked himself up into his house. At this point (assuming the turtle moved on) the zombie then needs to get himself to his feet and shuffle on. On the rare occasion that the turtle needed rest, he would simply curl up inside his home and the zombies would never reason out how to extricate the turtle.

And thus, the only creature to survive the apocalypse... (other than me of course at the end of this journey)

We did however see the this kicking hugely fat caterpillar that I think was running faster than I can. So he's a contender...


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