Vanished?

No. I haven’t actually vanished. I just haven’t felt as though I have had much to share. I certainly haven’t had much in the way of positive things to share.

The truth is, around the end of October, I completely fell off the wagon. This is the wagon that helps keep you in front of the zombie horde. I mean, we can’t walk/jog/run 24/7 now can we? So for a short while, they got their mangy decrepit mitts on me. Now, when you are on the wagon, instead of walking, it’s because you’re already tired. So, being tired already, I didn’t do a fantastic job of staying ahead of them.

I haven’t been gobbled up. No fear! I was however, chewed upon a bit. I would rally myself together and make a lunge for the wagon. I caught up to it! Each time I tried to hoist myself back onto it though, I would fall on my face in the mud. Falling on your face when you are outrunning the zombie horde presents a distinct advantage for the zombies.

The zombies, would then catch up, and we would start the whole process over again. This lasted all through the month of November. Consequently, my weight fluctuated up and down, but never really getting any lower than the start of October. I began to lose faith in what I was doing. As I call it, the honey moon period of the diet was over. It didn’t become hard. I got bored. I got bored of recording and measuring everything. Also, things that in previous months I had NO TROUBLE at all deciding that I didn’t want because they weren’t good for me, were suddenly irresistible.

I admit it, I was in a downward spiral.  My best friend finally intervened. She told me… HEY STOP BEING DUMB… only not in those words. And I suddenly though… hey, I should stop being dumb. I recorded my food. I stayed within points. Last night I had a bad evening and I did some really bad binge eating in the middle of the night. This morning when I got up, I recorded it all. I’ve planned my eating for the rest of the day around the excess points I spent in the middle of the night.

I have finally hoisted myself back onto the wagon.

So here I am. Resting my legs as I continue on the journey to outpace, out maneuver and outwit the zombie horde. I’m writing my blog so you can share my adventures with me. I how to write more often, and to have encouraging things to say. On that note, is there anything you would like to know? About me? My weight watchers experience? The zombies at large? What socks I’m wearing etc?

15%

Yesterday was Halloween. It was also Monday. Monday’s around here are weigh in days. I was very excited for this one, because my mid week weight check showed me being down 2lbs. However, Halloween being home to Tricks or Treats… I did not lose 2lbs. I did however lose .6lbs. The really exciting part is that .6 brought me to a total of 15% of my body weight lost since I started this. Fifteen percent!? That is amazing if I do say so myself. That is 42.lbs lost. I’ve carried my dog’s food into the house and it comes in 25lb packages. THAT IS HEAVY. I’ve lost nearly 2 of them. Wow.

As I said, yesterday was Halloween. It is my absolute favorite holiday of the year next to my birthday. So I had candy. Oh boy the candy. I also made an amazing beef stew for dinner. Then of course there was popcorn for watching scary haunted house things on TV. Well at the end of the day, do you know what I did?

I entered all of my points. I knew it was going to be over, and the number was probably going to be scary, but I did it. Because I am vowing to not miss days recording food. I went 5 months without missing a day recording food and then the lazies began to set in. Well I don’t have time for them. No more lazies.

The damage? 60pts used yesterday. My magic number is 34. You know what? Those points were delicious and I felt completely spoiled and decadent. I’m reading to have an amazingly healthy month. I hope your Halloween was joyous, and if you like me indulged in candy… I hope you don’t feel guilty or like you failed. Just get right back to your healthy routine. Those high point days are apart of life. Enjoy them, and then relish in the feeling of having a delightfully healthy day afterwards. It’s really quite amazing.

PS… I saw no zombies yesterday… weird for Halloween.

Still fighting the good fight

In case you were wondering,  (And I know you were) I’m still out here. I’ve ben neglecting my blog as of late. The funny thing about that is, I feel like I have a million things to say. Somehow when I sit down here to write them though, my fingers don’t move and my churning thoughts come to rest.

Its almost Halloween! I should be brimming with Zombie humor and insight. But as it turns out lately I am very emotional and struggling each day to get by. There isn’t a major catastrophe going on or anything, but sometimes life just comes at you hard and fast.

I’m still looking for work. Our unemployment has run out and as it happens, the bills are piling up. I do have a pretty good shot at this one place though. More details on that when I have them. Hubby DID manage to get a job… but it’s far from the amount of hours we need right now. He works 1 day this week. I’m hoping that will get better as the season goes on.

We had plans to move this January. We’re really extremely excited about the move. We love the place we are trying to move to, and it’s ten minutes from the beach. I am so excited about this I don’t even know if I have the words. But, the money just isn’t going to be there. We are very hopeful that the classes hubby is attending right now will lead to work, but if they do, that means not moving until June. Well even if they don’t it means not moving until June anyway because of lack of funds.

My poor puppy has been in and out of the vet this past month with various things wrong. No worries though, all her skin is intact and she doesn’t smell like a rotting tomato or anything. She hasn’t succumbed to the zombie plague.

So, that’s just a little background on what my life looks like right now.

The good news is that I seem to have managed to break the ‘gain a week, lose a week, gain a week’ cycle I was on. I’ve not lost three weeks in a row. They are small losses but I will take them. I’m excited to be able to report that the 22 pants I was so excited to fit into, are becoming lose. I can slide them down without unbuttoning them. I’m getting close to that prize dress I have hanging on the back of my bedroom door.

Eating is being a problem this week. I dropped down to 34 points. I think I am subconsciously rebelling against this number or something. For some reason it is so much harder to stay below than 35 was. And I’m not going over by just 1 point either. So I need to figure out what my issue with that is. I really think I am just dealing with a lot of things mentally right now and I am somehow acting out against myself.

So I don’t have great triumphant things to write about right now. But maybe if I share what I am going through, I’ll be able to touch someone else going through the same thing. Sometimes knowing you aren’t alone is really half the battle. Remember when avoiding the zombies and surviving the horde, have a buddy. Watch each other’s back.

Up and Down

Hi there. It’s been a little while since I’ve updated the Zombie blog here. Sorry about that. It isn’t that I haven’t wanted to write, but sometimes I lack inspiration. I don’t always have exciting zombie filled action to talk about.

Lately things have been a little rocks. I’m still losing, so that is really good. It’s been an up and down battle for a month or so now though. I’ll lose a little, and then the following week gain, and then take a week or two to lose more, and then gain… etc. I’ve been trying to watch my eating habits and how my activity points are adding up.

My activity definitely goes in an up and down pattern also. So that is part of it right there. Also, my eating fluctuates based on when in the month it is. At the beginning of the month we have food stamps, so we can go and do a big shopping trip and stock up on fresh healthy wonderful things. By the end of the month, things are tight and we’re eating less healthy and more possessed.

We’ve had the house to ourselves for most of this week though, so up until last night eating has gone really well. I’ve been enjoying mostly soup and salad for dinner and it has been making my tummy sing! Last night however, I got hit with the urge for hot dogs. Oh heavens the hot dogs.

Zombies are almost as attracted to hot dogs as they are to corn dogs. Our street has been zombie clear for a little while now, but last night I could see them coming. They could smell those hot dogs, man. They could tell I was getting fatter just sitting there. There was one trying to get on the porch and he had a chefs hat on. I hid the relish… I don’t want to give them ideas.

So, today it is back on track to try and have a good sowing for my weigh in on Monday. Some days I feel so confident about everything. Some days, not so much. It’s also very apparent, that eating is so linked to my emotional states. I mean, I know this. I think most of us do. I have however been able to watch the cycles lately though. This is a really stressful time right now. There are –things- happening in the background which I’ll bring to the foreground once I am a little bit more sure of them. These things however have me under a lot of stress. Stress makes me craze sweet things, it also makes me rebel in a strange way against doing things that are good for me.

I don’t understand why this happens, but at least I can watch for it. There are some hard decisions being made right now, and sometimes when that happens, I just want a hot dog. Or as the case may be lately… chocolate or a cookie. I just need to find that strength to reach inside and say… Okay, girl… I know. But come now, you know you want –THIS- more.

Updates

Updates are coming soon, I promise. It's just been kind of crazy around here. This is just a quick post to show off a special badge that was awarded to me for my progress. Thanks SL!

Plants VS Zombies

Have you tried this game? Plants VS Zombies is fun, addictive and GOOD TRAINING. Seriously, there is a good life lesson going on in the little pixelated world.

The zombies are coming after you! You can hear them across the street breaking down the fence. You're hiding in your house unsure of what to do!!! AHA!! PLANT THINGS!! Plants keep the zombies away. It's true. Oh sure in the scheme of the game it's because they pop out of the ground and start firing and fighting off the impending doom, but let's take a look at my and your every day life here.

You know the zombies get closer to you the worse you treat your body. So if you eat junk and stagnate, they tend to catch up quickly. If you aren't careful, they will grab hold of you and turn you into a mindless eating machine just like they are. This is undesireable, trust me. If you don't trust me, watch any one of the million zombie movies on the market these days. You don't want to become one of these. Agreed? Good.

So what do you do? First of all. Go outside. Plant something! Did you know gardening if one of the best activities you can do? I didn't know this. Apparently though, it gently works pretty much your entire body. Now, gently is a relative term here. If you don't move at all and then throw yourself headlong into gardening, you're going to hurt the next day, lets be honest here. But like starting any other new activity, take it slow and build up your stamina for it. Then, not only are you working your body, making it stronger and leaner, you will have something either delicious or beautiful to show for it. In many cases, it will be beautiful AND delicious.

Those plants you put in your yard will absolutely help you keep the zombie horde away. Eating fresh natural things helps you put up a temporary shield against the zombies. It doesn't last unless you keep fueling it with healthy fresh things though. And the act of gardening, gives you the stamina and fitness to outrun though buggers when they come calling. They will come calling! So think about it...

There's a Zombie on your lawn! There's a zombie on your lawn! There's a zombie on the lawn, we don't want zombies on the lawn!

Unity

It’s motivational Monday here on the zombie blog. I was searching for something to write about today and thinking about what has been keeping me motivated lately. As you know, if you have been reading along, I recently fell off the wagon, dusted myself off, and got right back on. This is the point, in previous attempts and losing weight and getting healthy, where I would have quit. I didn’t quit though. I simply learned from the experience and kept on going.

Why? What is different this time? A couple of things are different. The first is, I just feel more committed than I did before. It’s not that I don’t want to look awesome, or get my fertility under control, because I do. Mostly though, I want to live and be healthy. The second thing, is that there is a horde of the undead chomping at my heels if I slow down. That will keep anyone moving, believe me! I don’t want to become one of those mindless eating machines that shuffles through life single mindedly looking for the next meal! Besides, you never get invited to the good parties when you’re a zombie.

The most important difference though, is a solid support system though. This time, there are other people on the journey with me who are as committed as I am. My best friend got me started because she was already doing Weight Watchers and it was working very well for her. Her mother, who is another awesome lady is doing it too and finding success! I started the program and fell in love with it. It works. Soon after I started, I was able to get my husband going on the program. It’s working for him too.

My journey has been made easier by having someone who lives with me and goes through the same eating minefield that I do every day. My parents, whom we live with, are about as far away from us on the eating spectrum as you can get. It’s a challenge to open the cupboards and the freezer on a daily basis and be bombarded with things you aren’t going to eat. That doesn’t mean they still aren’t tempting. I don’t fault them for this, or anyone else for that matter. Just as I don’t assume they will try and change the way I eat, I’m not going to make them change the way they eat. Of course I want them to be healthy, but I have enough to say on this matter that I am going to save it for another post.

The heart of the matter is, my husband and I fell off the wagon together, and we jumped back on together. When I shed tears because I was disappointed in myself he wiped them away and reminded me of all of the tremendous victories I’ve had so far. My best friend showed me how easy it was to dust yourself off and keep going when she had a few days that set her back on the scale, and she told me how proud she was for gaining a little weight and getting right back to it. We are all about self sufficiency today. But trust me when I tell you, for something this big, you need a group to unify around you. You will need them, and they will need you. I’m not afraid to rely on those closest to me for help with this journey, and I hope they all know that I am here for them also.

 

Remember, the zombies have a united front. You should too!

Lunch Date

Well this whole journey is about learning isn't it? Learning how to make positive life changes, learning what choices make me happy, learning how to be healthy AND happy, and of course learning how to avoid the zombies and their undead dominion.

Recently, I've learned quite a bit. I learned that while eating treats now and then helps keep me focused by reminding me that this journey isn't about suffering, that a three day binge is NOT ok. I also learned I am strong enough to recognize this and to dust myself off and keep right on going. I learned than even though it is hot and humid outside, I really do feel better when I walk in the evenings. On cooler days I even love when I get to walk during the days.

Today I'm going to put a learning experience into effect and see what happens. Not too long ago, we went out for sushi for lunch/dinner. I didn't over do it or over eat which was my first concern. I did however, got a bit over board on the points. Having fried foods in the sushi really did me in. So today I am going out to lunch with my wonderful supportive hubby. I plan to have California/Philadelphia rolls and Veggie rolls.

I'm making dinner tonight again also, so I know the points will be light. I'm confident in having an on point day!

Those zombies are falling behind again. "bbbrbrrraaaiiiiinnnnnssssss"

Yeah, keep on trecking zombies. You've got a long way to go to catch me. I've said it before, and I think it bears repeating. I don't mind someone staring at my butt, I just don't want them to be thinking "I want cheese on that" while doing it. Ha!

I also learned recently, that some new folks are joining us reading here on the zombie blog. Hi! I was thanked recently for sharing my personal journey. That really touched me. All I can say is... you're welcome and that it's my pleasure. I've taken so much from reading other people's stories, I hope I can give back in some way. I try to approach this all with a bit of humor and a lot of heart. If YOU need a cheerleader, just let me know. There more the merrier in the fight against the zombies!

The ups and downs

I went on Safari this month. Uh huh. Did you know that the animals of the Serengeti are subject to the zombie plague as well? You know what is dangerous about that? Well, other than hot plains full of undead animals.... They are FASTER than regular zombies!!! I wasn't prepared. I didn't have my running shoes! I didn't even have a real gun! I just had some fancy moves I've picked up throughout this journey. So, I took some scratches and tumbles. I scraped my knees, and dirtied up my new safari gear.

No... not really. But they did catch me this month. I've had my first gain since starting the program. I know it's a natural part of the process, but it's still hard to swallow. I gained 4lbs exactly. My anniversary was on the 16th, My uncles birthday party on the 20, and my husbands birthday on the 22nd. That was just a lot of events all at one time. If I'm going to be honest, I was so busy being in love on my anniversary that I didn't even bother to eat properly. I went on a food vacation. I will NEVER do that again. Oh god... I feel so god awful for having done it. Also, it's been making the good choices, the ones I was making without even thinking, SO MUCH HARDER. So for my own peace of mind, I won't be doing that again.

Watch out for those zombies. They can be tricksie!

The bottom line is... I knew I was going to have a small gain. I tried to prepare myself for it and it didn't really work. Now, I am very very eager to have a good on point week and rack up some activity points. I earned 16 last week, which is a new high for me. So my aim is to beat that this week. I've been walking in the evenings when it cools down ever so slightly. My goal is to also start yoga back up again. I want to be and feel stronger. I could really use t hat sense of well being and being able to take care of myself. Sometimes, I just feel like I'm being tossed around in the wind a bit.

When you're fighting the zombie plague, you definitely want to know you have a sturdy safe house to retreat to. I want my body to feel like my safe house again. I think it might take a few weeks to get back to that feeling. That scares me. I need to trust myself and get right back on the plan and do what I need to do. Backwards progress just tends to terrify me. On previous 'diets' this would usually be the point where I gave up. I can't let myself do that this time though. Before this gain, I was 32lbs lost. That's amazing to me and I can't let it stop there.

Results

I have been quiet lately. That doesn’t mean that I have been slacking of or anything though. I, for some reason, have just been feeling quiet. It might be because I have just been concentrating on taking care of me for a while. In any case, I thought it was time to share some progress.

(On a side not, I’m happy with my typing progress. The entire top paragraph was typed, without error, while watching my husband dance to Pink’s Raise Your Glass)

We had some bad news, which I may or may not have shared. But Hubby’s internship came to an end and he wasn’t hired on permanently, so he is out of work again. It’s just a bad time to be looking for work, but that isn’t really news these days, is it. But something we struggle with continually is not falling into a depression over the situation we find ourselves in. We lost our house not too long ago and steady well paying work hasn’t been seen in well over a year now. We are lucky to have people we can rely on and a place to live, but lets not pretend the blah’s and sadness don’t creep up more than we would like them to.

I used to be an emotional eater. I’m a recovering emotional eater? I’m not sure what to call it. When I am sad, depressed, bored… I want to eat. But I’m not. Since starting weight watchers, I just feel like I somehow out of the depths of my soul or something, have pulled the ability to control myself. I’ve developed self control. That doesn’t mean that I don’t indulge now and then, but I do it because I want to and not because I am REACTING to the situation around me. The urges are still there though. And each day is a little bit of a struggle. Those of you who live in a household where you don’t control what food is around will be able to commiserate with me. When you have a sweet tooth, but don’t want to just binge on sweets, but the cabinets are full of cookies, cakes and donuts, it’s a special kind of hell.

I am persevering though. This Monday when I weighed in, I not only hit my 10% lost, but I hit 30lbs gone. THIRTY POUNDS… that’s a toddler. A TODDLER, PEOPLE! I posted it on Facebook. And some of my friends asked for a photo. So I asked hubby to take one of me. As I was loading the picture onto my computer, I decided to clear the memory card and sort all of my pictures.

Oh. My. GOD. I found pictures from before I started WW. They are pictures from the beginning of the year, around my birthday. I almost cried. I feel so sorry for the girl in those pictures. I barely recognized me. I finally realized that no, I’m not imagining my clothes are fitting loser. I’m not imagining that I can actually see my smile better when I smile. I’m not imagining that I really CAN fit into that shirt that was too small at the beginning of the year. This is really happening. I am really making it happen.

It sounds silly I realize, but somewhere in the back of my head, all of the little results I was seeing were because I wanted to see results. They weren’t because my efforts were actually paying off. I knew the numbers on the scale were moving, but it’s hard to really put that into perspective for yourself.

So… would you like to see the pictures?

Around 280

Around 250

I can certainly see the difference.

Milestone

I reached a big milestone yesterday. We all need to look for and celebrate these on our journey to destroy the zombie threat to our health! I’ve been on Weight Watchers for a full weeks as of yesterday and I am down now 25.4lbs. I hit the 25lb mark. I am so excited.

Here at my milestone there is fresh fruit, plenty of ammo and high high walls! No zombies are getting through this milestone!

It’s been so much easier than I thought it would be, I really did anticipate having to suffer for my results. There simply is no suffering. I mean, for goodness sake, I had spareribs and baked potatoes for dinner last night. It isn’t one of those, you can’t eat what you love, diets. I don’t even want to call it a diet. I don’t feel like I am dieting. I simply feel like I am treating myself well and becoming more aware of how I treat my body.

The zombies don’t treat their bodies well folks. I mean seriously… they have chew marks on them. This is not a self preserving being. (un being?) Drink your water, eat your fresh fruit and veggies, and avoid people who look grey, moan, drag their feet, and especially, have chew marks!

Can’t Catch Me!

It’s sort of amazing. When you are building momentum by making choices that make you feel good, the universe gives you little signs that you are on the right path. For example, this weekend the zombies were after me! Well, I actually didn’t know they were there. But all of a sudden, they grabbed hold of my clothing! With great gusto I wrenched myself away form them. To achieve this feat though, my clothing ripped away and hung on their undead fingers. And what I was left with…. My brand new dress size. I’m down a dress size!!!

On my walls, I have a selection of clothing that I can’t wear yet. It helps remind me there are simple rewards waiting for reaching my goals. I am now able to wear the first piece. It's a nighty that my husband bought me two years ago. I thought it was lovely, but it was just too tight around the curvy bits. I can wear it now! While my hips are still a little snug in it, there is now wiggle room in other spots. I’m a happy girl with a new pretty blue nighty!

Chinese Food

I am still celebrating being down nearly 20lbs. I can actually see it when I look in the mirror. Sometimes I can even see it in my face which is exciting. Yesterday I went over on my daily points.

Mom and Dad treated us to Chinese food for dinner. I had it all planned out. I was going to eat half, and save half for today. It was all working perfectly. However, yesterday was a bad day for me. My computer is possessed, my body is malfunctioning and I’m taking care of a dog with a bladder infection and a cat with separation anxiety.

I broke down and ate the rest of the Chinese food. Whew… 28pts in Chinese. It out me over for the day. But I started to think about it. Sometimes life hits you and you need comfort food. I was lucky enough to have Chinese. Sometimes when you need comfort food, all you have is carrot sticks and you need to make that work too. That is one of the things that is kind of awesome about Weight Watchers.

Motivational Monday

It’s Monday here again on the Zombie blog. It’s time for a dose of motivation. Well, as of this morning I am now down a total of 19.8lbs. Almost 20lbs in 8 weeks. That’s amazing! I’m so proud of myself. I’m actually doing it! I’ve had a couple of downs to go with my ups, but I am doing it and it feels great.
Now when you start really feeling accomplished about things, it motivates you to do other things to. For one it motivates you to do things like….
NOT LET THE HORDES OF LIVING DEAD GET A HOLD OF YOU!!!!
Let me show you something…
.
You see that? That hair practically touches my butt. That is the perfect length for the hordes of zombies to get their mangy hands into it. How horrible! Out running the hordes of zombies with hair flying in the breeze and suddenly… SLCHTZZ!! Yanked off your feet my your hair….
I had to do something. So what does a girl do in a situation like this? She calls he best friend over, accompanied by her little escort… to help you protect yourself from the zombie invasion.
She went to work, a snip snip here, a little razor work there. The result!!!!


The completely zombie proof (Ultra awesome) do! No denizens of the undead or going to get their finger-missing hair in this mop! Not to mention, I look awesome.
In order to outrun the undead, and out think the smarter of the horde, you need your brain to be functioning. I can tell you that under that pound of hair we cut off, my brain was NOT functioning. In fact, I even walked into one of their traps which I had been navigating just fine. You see, when the zombies can’t catch you, they will try and infiltrate your house with those things that will slow you down… like cookies, and fried chips and donuts and things. They almost got me. The cookies were too irresistible. But now I have a cool brain and I can think again.
GO on, Try again Zombies. This round goes to me!

ETA: I am now up to a spem whale's brain and a human brain lost.  (Just like you Girl!) It's a damn good thing I chopped the locks now!

Weight Comparisons

1 pound = a Guinea Pig
1.5 pounds = a dozen Krispy Kreme glazed donuts
2 pounds = a rack of baby back ribs
3 pounds = an average human brain
4 pounds = an ostrich egg
5 pounds = a Chihuahua
6 pounds = a human's skin
7.5 pounds = an average newborn
8 pounds = a human head
10 pounds= chemical additives an American consumes each year
11 pounds = an average housecat
12 pounds = a Bald Eagle
15 pounds = 10 dozen large eggs
16 pounds = a sperm whale's brain
20 pounds = an automobile tire
23 pounds = amount of pizza an average American eats in a year
24 pounds = a 3-gallon tub of super premium ice cream
25 pounds = an average 2 year old
30 pounds = amount of cheese an average American eats in a year
33 pounds = a cinder block
36 pounds = a mid-size microwave
40 pounds = a 5-gallon bottle of water or an average human leg
44 pounds = an elephant's heart
50 pounds = a small bale of hay
55 pounds = a 5000 BTU air conditioner
60 pounds = an elephant's penis (yep, weighs more than his heart!)
66 pounds = fats and oils an average American eats in a year
70 pounds = an Irish Setter
77 pounds = a gold brick
80 pounds = the World's Largest Ball of Tape
90 pounds = a newborn calf
100 pounds = a 2 month old horse
111 pounds = red meat an average American eats in a year
117 pounds = an average fashion model (and she's 5'11")
118 pounds = the complete Encyclopedia Britannica
120 pounds = amount of trash you throw away in a month
130 pounds = a newborn giraffe
138 pounds = potatoes an average American eats in a year
140 pounds = refined sugar an average American eats in a year
144 pounds = an average adult woman (and she's 5'4")
150 pounds = the complete Oxford English Dictionary
187 pounds = an average adult man
200 pounds = 2 Bloodhounds
235 pounds = Arnold Schwarzenegger
300 pounds = an average football lineman
400 pounds = a Welsh pony


My total so far.... The chemical additives eaten each year... and a chihuahua. Or 10 dozen large eggs.... The zombies would be pleased.

Sticky Note Saturday

Quiet

I’ve been quiet. It isn’t that I haven’t wanted to write. I have. I just haven’t been able to formulate what to say. This is the zombie blog after all and it has been woefully without a good dose of zombie in a while.

My best friend proposed a reason for this. Perhaps it is because they aren’t breathing down your neck anymore?

BRILLIANT. This explains what I have been feeling and not really able to put words to. I haven’t felt that angsty anxious fear that lends it self so well to writing humorously. I am making progress. I am making very good progress. I feel good about my food choices and while I Know that I am not getting enough activity (YET), I am working on it.

I know the zombies are out there. They are still lurking in the trees and around the sides of old houses. They come in waves and they come in numbers. You can’t stop and rest and be content to be sedentary and unhealthy because that is when they sneak up on you. Oh yes, sneaky little buggers that they are.

But right now, I am actually losing weight. I am doing it in a healthy way. I am living a lifestyle that isn’t HARD for me so it IS maintainable. And for right now, the zombies are in the background.

I am sure when I am ready to really get back into a fitness routine, that they will be back. They will gain a burst of speed to come chasing after me if I want to skip a workout. For now though, I have the upper hand. It feels great.

I’ve now lost a total of 15.6lbs. I can see the results which is amazing to me. I can actually tell I am losing tummy fat. AMAZING. My jean shorts fit a little better. It’s actually happening. I’m excited for the changes that are happening. I’m excited to see what I start to look like as I lose the fat I’ve had my entire life. I think most of all, I’m excited to just not feel hopeless anymore.

Freedom from Overeating

I realized today something amazing…

 

I am developing this amazing sense of freedom. It has been building up slowly, but I actually came to the realization at lunch time. My lunch for the day consisted of two lightly salted rice cakes, 1 serving of garlic hummus, 1c of fresh papaya and a squeeze of lime. It was fantastic! I feel fulfilled, satisfied, and proud of myself and my choices actually.

The amazing thing to me though, is that I don’t feel starving. I never imagined I could eat small portions of food and feel not only satisfied, but full. I thought I would always struggle with weight loss. I thought I would always suffer. I was afraid of the sentiment that weight loss isn’t about dieting, but about making permanent changes because I thought I would always be miserable.

Right now though, I feel free. I feel free that I don’t need to eat 2 burritos with all of the toppings, and then some chips, and then probably some cookies to top off a meal. Yes I used to eat like that. That wasn’t even that long ago. A month or so ago, a meal of that size and consistency wouldn’t have made me bat an eye. Now however, I cringe a little. I won’t lie and say that I don’t crave a burrito now and then, but I don’t need to eat 2 of them smothered in calories and fat and I don’t need to add a helping of sides that are just as bad.

The weight watchers system works for me. It is helping me learn to be accountable for myself without punishing me for mistakes.

But the work, the effort and the commitment come from me. This wouldn’t work if I weren’t willing to put in the work and the time to be successful. I’ve often said that you need to be in the right mind set to make the changes I am talking about. I still believe that. I am in a place where I want results. I want to be healthy. I want to look great. And maybe most of all, I want to feel good about myself.

And just incase, the vampires are hanging around outside with the zombies, I’m going to keep buying that garlic hummus.

A day out

Today my wonderful husband and I went for a picnic at Rainbow Springs state park. It was lovely. The entire time we were eating and spending some much needed quiet time together.

After lunch, we had planned to walk a couple of miles through the park. However, it was just too hot. We did about 30 minutes of walking even though we were there for much longer. But we had to take frequent breaks because of the heat.

We got our lunch at Walmart. We picked up a sub to share, a package of strawberries, about 1.4 pound of fresh green beans and a lovely papaya! Oh, a cucumber too. We packed it all up in my basket and headed out.

Now, however, I am so frustrated because I really thought I would have no trouble finding the sub online. But apparently, nope. No nutritional information at all. So it is very difficult to track my points for the day.

Also, I broke one of my own cardinal rules. I was feeling a bit on the fat side earlier in the week. So I weighed in early. I was down an additional 2 lbs which is awesome. But when I do that, I obsess. So I weighed in this morning again… and NOT down those additional 2 lbs. It’s so stupid. I know that body weight can change drastically during a day. My weigh is in tomorrow.. you know the official one… and I had this huge half of a sub that I can’t track. So I am just feeling frustrated with myself at the moment.

Also… lesson learned. No early weigh ins. They make me crazy.

Sticky Note Saturday!

Motivational Monday

“Gardening requires lots of water - most of it in the form of perspiration.” ~Lou Erickson

I read once that gardening is one of the best all over workouts ever. I live in Florida. You would think I would be outside year round toiling in the garden. I wish I was the kind of person who gardens. I love flowers. I love fresh vegetables. I love watching things grow. It would seem natural. I do not however… love the THINGS out there. We have THINGS outside in Florida.

We have mosquitoes the size of small birds. That is the family joke you know. The state bird of Florida is actually the mosquito. We also have poisonous snakes. They have been several times in the yard.

So that might be something to work on this year. Learning to deal with the things… learning to love the outside. Well… I DO love the outside. I just love the outside near the coast. I grew up on an island… a five minute drive from the bay. It’s an adjustment.

Besides… if I needed another reason to take up gardening…

Sticky-Note Saturday!!

 

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Weight Watchers

So I am now three days into my new Weight Watchers program. So far I am completely loving it. It’s actually FUN tracking food. That right there might be the secret to success in the first place.

Today was a testament to how well it’s working. We had breakfast with some friends of ours. It was so lovely. It was a full out Sunday Breakfast type meal. So I had very small portions, with the exception of the bagels. I tried just having a half, but broke down and ate the other half anyway.

But I had 1 egg. 1 Sausage link. 1/2 cup hash browns and a bagel with cream cheese. Not too long ago I probably would have had double the portions at least. But I knew that I was going to have to come home, and enter that information and look at those numbers. I knew I would have to eat later in the day also.

It was still a 16pt breakfast. It could have been so much worse. I am so proud of myself. I really am doing it. Yesterday, despite the heat, I even went for a little walk yesterday. It was only to the mailbox, but that was a little bit of a workout for me. I need to start slowly or I’m going to kill myself in this heat.

It’s looking pretty nice outside. I promised hubby I would watch a movie with him. Afterwards, maybe I can convince him to take a little walk.

Love

It’s motivational Monday here on the zombie blog. I feel as if I have a whole host of things to talk about today. We shall see how much of it manifests into writing.

First of all, I want to talk about a quote I found.

“The greatest weakness of most humans is their hesitancy to tell others how much they love them while they're alive.”
— O.A. Battista

I am not even exactly sure why this struck me as deeply as it does. I think maybe because sometimes I struggle with telling people that I love them. Well no, that isn’t really true. There are only some people I struggle to tell how much I love them. My parents are some of those people. I don’t tell them enough how much they mean to me. I am going to add that to my list of self improvements to make.

But this is about motivation. So, one of the people whom I happen to love very much is a woman whose life parallels my own in many ways. She struggles with many of the same issues I do too. We recently took note of how our lives progress down similar paths and of the struggles we have over come so far. She has been one of the people who has been travelling with me on my journey from the beginning.

So my dear S. over at MissAdventures…Thank you for always being there and being supportive. Thank you for getting me excited about my life when I really am not all that enthusiastic about it. Thank you for giving me a place to hide form the zombies for a while. I love you!

I also want to take a moment to say thank you to R. I’ve known her since high school and she has been a tremendous inspiration to me on this trip. She never fails to reach out to me with advice or encouragement and it’s in part thank to her and her fabulous blog (I go through life…), that I started blogging myself. She advised me to invite my zombies to tea, and taking a good hard look at them was very helpful to me. She also was instrumental in my getting my body bugg which is an invaluable too. Thank you R. I love you!

Motivation!!! So, I joined weight watchers online today. I can’t express how exciting this is. It’s like an entire contingent of people on anti zombie brigade! (I’m not sure they know this) I am actually excited about tracking food again! For the love of all that is good (including anti zombie-ists), I am excited about food tracking again. If that isn’t motivational, I don’t know what is.

Do not become a zombie burger. If you are close to this state… there is still hope! If you haven’t actually started munching brains yet that is. I’ve gotten close. But I am still outrunning them.

I am also planning on renewing my body bugg today. I need it. It keeps me honest. It also makes me feel awesome when I beat the calories burned form the day before, or the week before. Reminders of doing well… or even when you’re slipping back are awesome. I’ve put weight on since not having it. A Lot.

So today is a good day. I’m thankful, I’m motivated and apparently I am also verbose. So there you have it!

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Blog Hop! Drab2Fab

Sticky Note Saturday

Motivation

Freebie Friday here on the Zombieblog!

“How soon 'not now' becomes 'never'.” – Martin Luther

“Don't wait until everything is just right. It will never be perfect. There will always be challenges, obstacles and less than perfect conditions. So what. Get started now. With each step you take, you will grow stronger and stronger, more and more skilled, more and more self-confident and more and more successful.” – Mark Victor Hansen

Today I was struck with a sudden burst of enthusiasm and motivation. I actually began to get things done around the house. I wasn’t suddenly cleaning and organizing because I had to, but because I wanted to.

I wish I could harness that feeling. It left me all to soon. I got distracted trying to solve and organizational problem. In our super tiny living room, we need a better solution for how to store the TV, game systems, DVD’s, games, remotes and controllers. There is quite a lot of equipment to store in a small space. I wasn’t happy with the solutions we had available, mainly moving the dvd shelves (which I don’t really like in the first place) under the tv. We’re actually losing DVD storage space. This is being done so that (hopefully) my computer and chair will fit in there. It’s all so frustrating.

I browsed craigslist for a while hoping the perfect entertainment center would be there. When it wasn’t I started browsing dressers as I very likely could make a long dresser work if the drawers were the proper shape. I got frustrated though. And then I got distracted again…

By now I am sure you have figured out I have completely lost my focus and my drive. I now have a bunch of cleaning in the partially done state and I am frustrated that I haven’t gotten anything finished. (I also have a gnat flying around my face I keep missing that is driving me slightly insane)

Its funny how my struggles with weight loss follow almost these exact pattern lines. I get excited and motivated and start doing it all. Then something comes along to distract me. Sometimes it’s a zombie with an awesome naughty food treat trying to slow me down so they can chomp my brains. Sometimes it is that I am so enamored with the plan I have for losing the weight that I spend so much time massaging it and tweaking it and not enough time actually enacting it that I lose momentum. I love having a plan. In fact I really don’t function without one. So why is that I am so disorganized that I can’t seem to keep myself on track with anything.

So now I need to try and pull myself back together. I need to go hang the laundry out and for heavens sake put the laundry away that is already folded. Then there are things I really want to get done, but I won’t be comfortable working on them until everything is clean. I’m a bit anal like that. So I want to work on the blanket I am designing. I want to crochet more of my flower motifs. I want to practice making a Dorset button. I want to sketch a bit more before the necklace ideas leave my brain. But all of there things require me to be able to get into the creative mindset and sort of court my muse. My muse does not like clutter. She doesn’t like mess. She doesn’t like things screwing with the energy flow if she is around. I know how to please her. I just don’t like doing the chores.

Now… if my inner goddess would come out and tell me so precisely what she needs to be happy so I could really get the weight loss journey going, that would be really nice. I might not want to do the chores either, but at least then I would know how to placate her. She will NOT be pleased if I end up as some undead boogers brain burger.

Friends

Find what it is in this world that is worth succeeding for.

 

Motivational Monday

George Bernard Shaw
You see things; and you say "Why?" But I dream things that never were; and I say "Why not?"

Ralph Marston
Your goals, minus your doubts, equal your reality.

Lee Iacocca
You've got to say, I think that if I keep working at this and want it badly enough I can have it. It's called perseverance.

This past week has been amazing. One of my best friends in the world came to visit. He was the best man at my wedding and I haven’t seen him in EIGHT years. That is so long. I didn’t even realize how long it was until he was here again.

A few thoughts that tie in… The first is that I completely didn’t track points the entire time he was here. So I derailed for the week. I want to say that I feel badly about it. I don’t though. I haven’t seen him in eight years and the week was about DOING and BEING and LOVING.

Today however, is a new day. Today I am ready to get back in the saddle. I am ready to get back to my points and walking. For the record I tried to go walking today and it was just too hot. I gave myself a wicked headache walking from the house to the end of the driveway and I hid in the shade on the way there. I deemed it unsafe to walk in that heat and came back inside.

But I am not giving up. Above, I have copied some quotes that are speaking to me today. I have never been skinny. I have never been fit. I have never known what it is like to not feel, in some way, unhappy with my body. But I dream of it. I dream about being able to look in the mirror and just smile at myself. I dream about walking through my house without bumping into things. I dream about running down shady streets lined with trees and feeling my hair bounce on my back and wind in my face. I dream of no infertility issues. I dream about buying new clothes. They are great dreams. It’s time for them to become reality. I know I can do this.

That is where the perseverance comes in. I haven’t been very good at this part. That doesn’t mean I can’t be though. These are the pep talks I give myself. Just because I haven’t managed to do it yet, doesn’t mean that I can’t do it. I’m human, and sometimes it doesn’t work and I really do feel like I can’t do it. I usually have a good cry then and try and find the answers. Today though, isn’t one of those days. I really feel good. I feel good despite all of the things going on with the house and the money. I feel good even though my heart aches a little. I guess maybe good isn’t the word for what I am feeling. I think the word might be confident.

I want to be around for many more of life’s perfect moments.

Anger

Wild Card Sunday is here again… I’m going to talk a little bit about anger.

I am so tired of being angry. I feel I am angry all of the time right now. I have no where to put this emotion. Even when I am not actively angry, something small and insignificant can just infuriate me. This is because I am not being able to get rid of the hurt/bad/irate feelings that build up at any given time.

How do you approach any situation to defuse it and talk about it when you KNOW you are over reacting and blowing things out of proportion because you aren’t in a good headspace in the first place.

It’s just effecting everything so badly. I’m angry I can’t seem to control my eating. I’m gaining weight. I’m angry that I am jealous that my friends around the net are losing weight.

I wanted to be a Big Eagle this coming term, but I clearly am not in a good enough head space to be levelheaded and mentor people. I don’t want them to have an experience like I did.

This is very random. My mind is jumping about to several topics. I hate that I am so angry about things I shouldn’t be angry about. You know, it has gotten to the point where I don’t even know when I am valid in being angry anymore. Maybe I SHOULD be angry, but I just can’t accept that at face value because I know I’ve been blowing things out of proportion.

I just need a vacation from my life.

Heh, a little humor goes a long way

Zombies need love too?

Part of the solution?

It’s Thursday here at the zombie blog. And that means it’s time to delve into a random thing I have been thinking about. I have to show you this T-Shirt graphic I found.

How perfect. Zombies are part of the precipitate. They are what is left over. They are what falls out of the stream. They are everything you wish you had done but came up with an excuse not to.

I want to be a part of the solution. This morning has been good. Yeah, I actually said that. It has been a good morning. I woke up, and despite having a stiff neck and nightmares, I greeted my hubby with a cheerful good morning. Then he asked me to go to the track this morning.

I wanted to resist going to workout with every fiber. However, we have a deal. If one of us manages to come up with the gumption to go do something physical, the other person MUST be supportive and cannot opt out of going. (Barring severe illness or injury of course) So what I really wanted to say was…. I don’t want to. But I will go if you want me to. I didn’t say that. I said… Ok. I had my breakfast shake, got dressed, and we went to the walking track, puppy in tow of course.

It was HOT despite the fact it wasn’t even 11 yet. But we went and we started walking and we didn’t go fast. I have lost my stamina. I need to recondition my body. But we went and we walked and we talked like old times. It was so much fun. Admittedly, the working out headaches have come back and I am disappointed about that. However, I walked the full mile. We stopped for just a couple of minutes to sit in the shade. This was mostly because we are all, Lucy included, getting used to being active in the heat again. I am so proud of myself. I really am. I am proud that I didn’t say no this morning. I am proud that I walked the full mile. I am proud that I am being honest about how I feel about it.

Lunch wasn’t terribly healthy. It was burritos with the trimmings. But I wrote it all down. I wrote down everything I ate yesterday. I am doing well for day 2 now. I feel like there might actually be some light at the end of this tunnel. Now, as soon as we can afford it, I’ll get my body bugg up and running again. Right now, I am listening to my body. I am eagerly waiting to notice that my knees don’t hurt as much, or I don’t get winded so quickly.

I am realizing now how important these things were to me before. When all that mattered to me were the numbers on the scale, I didn’t realize how much these non scale related signs meant to me. Just like when I lost 25lbs in a month and didn’t realize what an accomplishment that was. Having fallen way down and needing to pick myself up again is allowing me to see all of those things that were so important but that I was so obsessed with other things to notice.

Weight Check Wednesday

I’m actually refusing to get on the scale today. I just don’t need that in my face right now. I may need to find a new topic to blog about on Wednesdays. Suggestions?

I'm feeling a little better today. I think getting out what I could, actually did help yesterday. The world in general just seems a little less bleak today. New challenges are always waiting for us. I just feel a little bit more ready to face them today.

I took S's advice and rather than wallowing in the fact that I haven't yet started weight watchers, I just took some time to get my notebook out and figure out my points. Do you know what? I actually remembered to think about points and what I was eating this morning.

So Right now I have rice cooking and I am making black beans to go with it. My kitchen smells amazing right now. I must remain vigilant and stay on my guard in case the Zombies wander to closely.

Speaking of wandering Zombies... I was sort of afraid there was going to be a massive attack right on the porch this morning. Mom and Dad were asking us if we ate certain foods. It's getting time to do grocery shopping around here. So first off was... Do we eat Sloppy Joes. While I dislike this sloppy meat creation, R likes them very much. Next on the list... Fish Sticks... then Salisbury Steak... finally Pot Pies... I began to get fidgety. THIS FOOD IS SO PROCESSED!! It's like ZOMBIE FODDER!

Don't get me wrong, I can find a few of these things tasty... but come on now. I’m going to have to get in control of the food I am eating. We have a rule here, that whomever is cooking chooses what to cook. You however, are not obligated to eat it. So it’s a good idea to have an emergency meal ready just in case you aren’t happy with the evening selection. This came about because on the whole, my parents eat pretty different food from my husband and I. FORTUNATELY, they have seemed to enjoy all of the dishes I have prepared so far.

I’m just nervous about the processed food. I just need to remember that I don’t have to eat it.

A test!

 

This is a test as I try out my new desktop blogger. We’ll see how it works out. Hopefully, it makes blogging a bit more intuitive for me so I will want to do it more often. The way blogger handles adding photos drives me a bit bonkers.

???

I found this bumper sticker when I was browsing around. Funny... and accurate. Do you know what the vehicle is? It's me. It's my body. Turning inward and actually looking at the things that are wrong is the only way I am going to get this vehicle into fighting shape. We all know the zombies aren't particularly fast, but they come in numbers. Oh boy, do they come in numbers. I think my zombies that came to tea have multiplied.

I've been doing a lot of thinking and not much writing. I chose to revamp the blog in the middle of moving. I think part of me did that on purpose. I wanted a distraction. I wanted another THING to keep me from having to look at the situation I am in.

I'm 30 years old. I'm Morbidly Obese. I've recently gone through a bankruptcy, and now I am going through a foreclosure. I have body issues. I have self esteem issues. I have some anxiety issues and some issues that I don't have names for just yet. I am a master at distraction.

But here is the truth of it... I say that. I think it's the truth. I am doing my best to find the truth. I'm working on my truth. And the truth is... I don't like where I am. I've gained... 6 or 7 lbs since moving. Some of it is stress I am sure. Some of it is eating A LOT more processed food. And part of it is not having renewed my body bugg subscription yet. It's somehow easier to make excuses to not work out when the numbers aren't staring you in the face. But it's entirely possible that this is our very last week of unemployment. So who knows when I'll be able to afford it again right now.

I hope that isn't an excuse. I am so tired of them. I'm beginning to wonder if I even know what they look like when they show up anymore. It's frustrating.

I don't feel like I have the right to be unhappy. I'm trying to be supportive to my husband as he struggled to find a job, stay on top of his school work, and not submit to his own depression that is brewing. I'm so grateful to have my parents take us in with losing our house. I've talked myself into seeing only the good side. We can't afford our house or our bills... this is a good thing. Here I go again. I don't let myself see the things that I new would break me before even making the move. I.... I don't even feel comfortable writing about it all. I feel ungrateful complaining.

I feel on the edge of tears all the time.

I am filling my day with distractions instead of actually getting things done. I need to finish moving. I need to close the door on that part of my life. It's unexpectedly hard. When I go over to the house to try and clean or pack boxes, I become overwhelemed emotionally. It makes me sad to be there. I feel like a failure. Nothing is going the way it was supposed to. How much of it is my fault? How much of this could have been avoided.

And underneath all this... are my feelings of failure because I can't seem to lose the weight or keep it off. Another of my friends has gotten pregnant, which always sends me over the deep end for a little while. I was going to start weight watchers again on Monday, because I was so successful with it. I would be doing it on my own though as I obviously can't afford to actually go. But here it is Tuesday and I haven't actually started yet.

This isn't it for me right? I mean I'm not just going to be fat and feel medicore about things forever. Life has to have more in store for me than that.

At least, I am thankful for a loving family, loving friends and the great love of my life. Love at the very least isn't something I am short of. Thank goodness for that.

Think About it Thursday

Okay. Right now, I am thinking about moving. Plain and Simple. I"m also thinking about how I am still not taking care of myself like I want to be. I am finding that I don't feel like I have enough time in the day to take care of me. Moving is just sucking up my existence. Must. Get. To. This. Weekend. Ugh!

After this weekend all of the essentials will be moved over. Enough of our furniture will be in the new place that we will be living there. Yesterday we took care of the important things like combining cable accounts, and scheduling a gas pick up for the tank.

Incidentally, this was a huge rip off. They are CHARGING us 85$ to come and get the tank, and then 1$ a gallon to take the gas back out... How much does this suck. There goes the money we thought we would use to replace the vacuum cleaner.

PS Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Track Goals Tuesday

I've done very well with goals this week. I did walk three miles. I did blog once a day. I did start moving.

Honestly, I don't feel super accomplished right now. My life is being consumed with moving. I should be moved into the new place (with just the essentials) this weekend. I'll be able to better concentrate on my blogging and my goals at that time. Right now, I'm in survival mode.

Weight Check Wednesday

I am happy to report that the scale has dropped slightly. I was absolutely sure that with all of the stress I am under right now, that I would have seen a gain if anything. I cannot express how much I miss going to the gym. I also am so frustrated that I keep not getting there. But then I also have to admit that when I am done moving for the day, I have nothing left.

I've barely got enough left to make food...

But it's a process and it's one I need to go through. And at the end of this, going back to the gym full time will be a reward.

Mileage Monday

Last Monday I decided that I was going to walk three miles this week. I'm not entirely sure how I did on this goal to be honest. I walked half a mile that I counted. The rest of my walking this week was involved with moving. Now, from my front gate to my parents front gate is 1/10th of a mile. So, it really is quite possible that I walked 3 miles between all of the trips moving.

So for the coming week, I am going to be walking another three miles. This time though, I hope I can do it in a sort of trackable fashion. I am really missing going to the gym. I LIKE the elliptical and I want to get back on it. I also want to do a class or two. Though I likely won't be doing them on the same day for a while.

But here we are going into this week I'll be tackling another three weeks.

Sunday Wildcard

Today is Sunday and that means it's wildcard day. I might choose a topic from any other day of the week to revisit, or choose another of those headings to write about. Today I'm going to be talking about what is on my mind, like Thursdays.

Courtesy - noun - excellence of manners or social conduct; polite behavior.

I feel a general lack of courtesy is a huge problem with this country. It is CERTAINLY a huge problem with my neighbors.

Is it so much to ask that one not play their music so loudly that the bass permeates my entire house? The alarm clock didn't wake me up today, but the BASS did. This gets me so incredably angry that I am having trouble containing myself on the the subject. A little background.

I cannot handle people's bass. It sounds silly, and most people don't understand. But base that I can feel through my house and in my chest makes me physically ill. I will literally be sick but worst of all, it triggers my Flight response. All I can think about is running away from the feeling.. from the 'noise'. I can't sit. I can't think. I can't eat... all I can do is try to figure out how to make it stop.

I don't even know which house the music is coming from because I can't hear that part. But I can feel their freaking bass throughout my entire person. There isn't a room in the house I can escape too... We've called the police before when it got so bad that hubby had to take me away from the house because I was just ill. But it always ends up that when the cop is actually here, there isn't any music playing so who knows where it is coming from. I don't live in a traditional neighborhood, but I am surrounded by farms and dirt road communities.

How can you be such an asshat as to think the entire damn world needs to hear YOUR music.

I hope these people are slow... Go on and fiddle with your damn loud music and your freaking AWFUL BASS... zombies love slow food.

Sticky Note Saturday